Sigh of Relief

It is nice every now and then to actually remember the freedom we have to trust in God and to know that He is in control of everything. Not that "God is doing a great job of implementing my plans" or "on Sunday God can handle my life but on Monday through Saturday I have to carry the load" or "God doesn't know about my little problems and why would he care anyway". No, none of those will do. Only a confidence that He is truly in control, and moreover, He likes us - no, loves us - so much that everything we think or do or say or desire is of the utmost concern to Him. Only if we hoard our little corner of this world and try to protect it from God, then we will be left wanting. But if we leave our little lives open to Him, or better yet, if we bring ourselves and our needs and our whatever it is to Him, "he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4). And in the words of Anne Lamott:

"It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what keeps things running right."

Holes in My Soles

For the last few days, praise God, we have had lots of rain here in Atlanta. I really don't like rain, but hey, in a drought I will pray for it with the best of 'em. Anyway, I was walking the dog yesterday morning (in the rain) and noticed after a few minutes that my foot started feeling a little wet in my left shoe. I kept walking, but I was all the while quite perplexed as to how my foot could be getting wet on the bottom and near my toes. I kept looking down, wondering if maybe I was walking in deep water, but no, it was just surface water on the road, no puddles. Then, before I could make sense of this peculiar feeling, my right foot started feeling wet. At this point I had no choice but to keep walking, let Kelsey do her business, and worry about it when I got back inside. I wasn't up for troubleshooting while holding an umbrella in one hand, a leash in the other, and not to mention freezing my butt off.

So I got home and found, in disbelief, that my trusty old shoes (operative word OLD) had developed holes in the soles. Both of them! If you look in this picture, it's not so obvious...

But with a little sold bending, the cavernous culprit is exposed.

Darn the luck. I guess it's time for a new pair!

Overdoing It?

I have been a bit under the weather this week. Woke up with a killer sore throat on Tuesday, the day of one of the biggest (and longest) presentations of the semester for our spinal orthotics class. That went well, thankfully. I started taking medicine that night for a cold and sore throat, and for a few days I went through the usual array of symptoms... mild fever, coughing, coughing up delightful stuff, sneezing, etc. Yesterday I felt pretty good most of the day, and then today it returned as mostly sinus congestion and coughing. I stopped by the Georgia Tech Health Services to get some free medicine (one of the joys of being a student). If you go in there and write down your symptoms and then check off which medicines you would like for your given symptoms, they will give you (up to a certain amount) any over-the-counter medication for free. This is very nice. Well, today I went through the form and answered all the questions, handed it in, and they rejected me from the quick service because I had answered "Yes" to blood in mucous. I tried to explain that it was not a big deal, that I was not coughing up a lung, and that I simply wanted some Sudafed so I could go home and take a nap and clear my sinuses. They insisted that I see the doctor, which took well over an hour. She very thoroughly checked me out, agreed that it was nothing serious, and then sent me out the door with the following assortment of medications:

So, I got sudafed plus 5 additional pills, sprays, and syrups. I hope this will be enough to cure the common cold. And I'd hate to see the prescription list if I actually did have something serious!

No Work

I don't know why, but I absolutely cannot bring myself to do anything remotely productive this evening. I got home a bit later than usual, and of course I had to take a break to watch The Office, but seriously I have done nothing worthwhile since I got home. This is not giving me a good feeling about Friday night. I might have to make myself stay home and work. This will probably be ok because noone has asked me to do anything on Friday night, but still it is not ideal.

Commercial Conspiracy

I just noticed something about TV that I haven't noticed before. It is possible that this has been going on for a long time, but I don't watch enough tv to catch it. I do, however, watch The Office. So right after The Office tonight, Scrubs was coming on. What I noticed was that there was no break whatsoever between the two shows. No commercials, no nothing. As soon as the final scene ended on The Office, before I reached for the remote and turned off the tv, Scrubs was already starting. It seems to me that several years ago, ok maybe 10 years ago, the standard was to have one commercial break during a 30-minute show and one break in between shows. Today, there are at least two commercial breaks in a 30-minute show and no breaks in between. So I guess the brilliant marketing people have realized that (1) if you have commercials during a show, people are more likely to sit through them, and (2) if you don't have commercials between shows, people are more likely to get hooked on the next show and then watch more commercials during that one. Am I the only one who thinks this is a conspiracy? I did not fall for it this time because I think Scrubs is a stupid show, but if I had nothing better to do, I might just sit and get hooked into one show after another all night long. Be careful, they are out to get you. And then after you watch tv all night long, you will go out and buy a new cell phone that you don't need, or a new and improved tv so you can watch more commercials and see them more clearly.

Back to the Blog

Well, well, where to begin again after many months of bloglessness? I don't know. I guess rather than trying to recap the last two months all at once, I will start with now and fill in the rest later. I'm not sure why I all of a sudden stopped writing here, but I have to say I miss it and vow to get back in the swing of things. So, more to come later on September and October, but let's talk about the first few days of November.

First of all, this week has brought with it not only a new month but also a new average low temperature here in Atlanta. Let's just say in the mornings when it is time to take Kelsey for her walk, I am now bundling up and can see my breath in the crisp, cool air. I am not a fan of this.

The first week of November also brings with it the realization that this semester of school is very quickly winding down. We have about 4 weeks left of class and then final exams, and then a break! I am looking forward to the break, but I have also enjoyed this semester. I am loving what we are learning in spinal orthotics and in transfemoral prosthetics. Just trust me, it's fun if you are me. And even if you aren't me, you can't argue that watching someone walk on an artificial leg that you made for them would be fun.

I will briefly mention the time change, since that did occur this week. I only like it for one day because of the extra hour added to that day. Otherwise, I do not appreciate this seemingly small change that makes the mornings all the more cold and the evenings darker sooner. Again, I am not a fan.

I am a fan, however, of LSU football. I was very proud of the Fighting Tigers this past weekend as they effectively broke the hearts of the Alabama Crimson Tide. Geaux team! The Georgia Tech Yellowjackets were not so exciting this week as they lost miserably to Virginia Tech Thursday night. The only two exciting things about that game were (1) my friend Julian came to the game, and (2) Big Boi of Outkast played a concert at halftime.

And to round out this quick update, I will share a picture from a Halloween party last weekend. I dressed up last year, but I wasn't really that into it. This year I somehow received inspiration and managed to whip up this Wonder Woman costume the day of the party. I incorporated a spinal orthosis just for fun and because I am a nerd like that. The shoes were everyone's favorite part of the costume, which were well worth wearing even though they were the most uncomfortable shoes I've ever worn. If you can't see them very well, they are high top tennis shoes with stiletto heels. I have no idea why anyone would make such a thing. Hopefully they were supposed to be a joke.

Me As an Amputee

This is one of the fun and exciting things my classmates and I did last week when a company called Ohio Willow Wood hosted us at their facility. They have created this "bent-knee device" for non-amputees to try out and bear weight on different prosthetic feet. A few comments about the experience:

1. I know that this cannot possibly mimic what it REALLY feels like to have an amputation.
2. The "bent-knee device" was very heavy and cumbersome to use, more so than any actual prosthesis should be, which is good for people who wear prostheses.
3. It felt VERY strange to bear weight on the prosthetic feet. I heard someone who wears a prosthesis say that it is good but a poor substitute for the real thing. Now I sort of understand what he meant. No matter how fancy a prosthetic foot is, it's still just a lump of inanimate materials.
4. It freaked me out, even knowing that I still had my leg safely attached, to look down and see this prosthesis in place of my left leg. Very stange indeed.

Random Photo

I was looking through some pictures from my summer and found this one of my niece, Liza (2) at the beach. I assume that as she gazes from the balcony of our condo at an early hour of the morning, she is contemplating the meaning of life. I'm not sure, because she doesn't talk at this point, so I couldn't ask her. But when I look at this picture, that is what I see. Don't you just want to reach right out and grab that little cutie and give her a big hug? I do.

Gratefulness

So lately I have been all over the map in terms of emotions towards God and life, God of course being the center of life. I've been enamoured with the world around me and the people I have had the immense pleasure of knowing and spending time with. I've been reminded of God's mercy and faithfulness to me and other people. On the other hand, I've felt helpless as I walked amongst people on the street who have no hope and are physically distraught, addicted, and/or oppressed. I don't understand why they have to suffer and why there is nothing I can do to make their situation go away.

On a more personal level, this past year has been an emotional ride in itself as I have found, met, and gotten to know my birth mother. I have been elated to discover a woman who loves me and accepts me and does not harbor regret. I have been delighted to see for the first time hints of myself in people who I am related to by blood. I have been overwhelmed with the love and support of my family as they have walked through this time of uncertainty and newness with me. And yet, in the midst of all of God's goodness to me and around me, there is a part of me (a larger part of me than I want to admit) that is ungrateful to God. I find myself deep down wanting to shake my fist at the One who loves me more than I will ever know because I don't understand His ways. I don't understand why it was his will for me to be born out of wedlock, to be adopted, to be reunited, and to be where I now am with a beautiful but frankly sometimes complicated family situation. I am grateful for God's tender hand that has designed every fiber of my being and every moment of my time on this earth, and I am simultaneously bitter at how He has chosen to weave that design. I know that when I shake my fist at God like this, I am proving the power of my flesh over my spirit. I feel like His ungrateful child, not understanding the breadth and width and depth of His love for me because I cannot see or know all that He knows.

I saw another picture of this fickle ungratefulness in my nephew this past week, on his 4th birthday. His daddy (my brother), who loves him unconditionally and with the patience that only a father can extend to his own son, bought him a bright red bicycle complete with training wheels and a shiny bell on the handlebars. This bike is a little boy's dream come true. When it was unveiled to Ben for the first time, however, he exhibited no joy, no excitement , no thankfulness or gratitude. His countenance exhibited contempt towards his daddy and disgust at the beautiful new bicycle. (I don't really know why this was his first reaction. It got better later, but let's focus on the initial reaction.) It must have been tough for his daddy to see, in a moment of sheer joy at providing such a glorious gift to his son, a response of disgust rather than ecstatic surprise. And this must be the same sunken feeling that my Heavenly Father has when I respond to his precious gifts to me with an air of disappointment. I am repenting even now for such a lack of faith, such a lack of trust in the ways of my Father. He takes great delight in showering me with love and affection. I hope that my countenance inside and out will respond less with discontentment and more and more with gratefulness. The beautiful thing is that it is not my response that fuels or earns God's love for me. He chooses to love me regardless.

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." ~Zephaniah 3:17

God's Faithfulness

Of all books in the Bible, my small group study this week led me to a chapter in 2 Kings. Now, I am intrigued by the Old Testament and have read all of it at one point or another, but I tend to forget just how much it tells of God’s character. On the other hand, it also very plainly denotes the character of men and women, and it is sometimes comforting to me to realize that kings and powerful advocates of the Lord were just as likely to screw up as I am. They were human too, so obviously they battled sin just like we do. Anyway, our reading for Bible study was in 2 Kings 1, but I am continuing to read through the book and couldn’t help but notice a few trends. Almost every event that happens in the lives of the great kings of Israel and Judah was prophesied before it happened. In other words, someone somewhere already predicted so-and-so would kill whats-his-name or that this particular guy would serve God faithfully. But despite each king’s prophesied fate, one fact remains: God’s promises for each of them were never revoked or removed. For instance:

“In the fifth year of Joram son of Ahab king of Israel, when Jehoshaphat was king of Judah, Jehoram son of Jehoshaphat began his reign as king of Judah. …
He walked in the ways of the kings of Israel, as the house of Ahab had done, for he married a daughter of Ahab. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord. Nevertheless, for the sake of his servant David, the Lord was not willing to destroy Judah. He had promised to maintain a lamp for David and his descendants forever.” -2 Kings 8:16,18-19

“Hazael king of Aram oppressed Israel throughout the reign of Jehoahaz. But the Lord was gracious to them and had compassion and showed concern for them because of his covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. To this day he has been unwilling to destroy them or banish them from his presence.” -2 Kings 13:22-23

So, if that doesn’t get you excited about who God is, which it should, try this one from the New Testament (which, providentially, I have seen twice this week in separate places):

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
-Romans 8:39-39

Camp

I had the privilege to spend last week with 31 campers and a crew of other volunteers at Adventure Amputee Camp. We descended, actually ascended, onto the Nantahala Outdoor Center in full force on Wednesday and hit the ground running. The campers were kids from all over, though mostly Georgia and Tennessee, with amputations ranging from one amputated finger to triple limb amputations. Some of the kids were born with these amputations, while others suffered in accidents or had cancer or other diseases. I honestly don’t know all of their stories, but I do know that they are all still kids, most with an extra dose of courage and resolve. I watched in awe as most of the campers tackled such challenges as whitewater rafting, ropes course climbing, and waterskiing. They found themselves last week in an environment where they were not the only ones with an amputation (as most of them are in school and at home) and where everyone around them accepted them for who they are as a person. It was heart-wrenching to hear some of them say that even their families don’t treat them as well as they are treated at camp. As a future prosthetist, it was also amazing to see how hard the kids were on their prosthetic limbs. If you have spent any time around kids, you know they can break, ruin, or just wear out anything you give them. The fact that something is expensive and custom-made makes no difference to them when they want to run, jump, and play. I will certainly keep this in mind when I am faced with making prosthetic limbs for active kids or even adults. Being with those kids and also the several volunteers with amputations reminded me of why I changed careers. I already have and will continue to have the opportunity to meet people and their families who inspire me and who I can help to get back on their feet or live more comfortably. Honestly, I almost have to pinch myself every now and then when I realize how much fun I am having in this new profession – and I’m not even getting paid yet! Here are a few pictures from camp:

Summer Self Analysis

It's interesting, when you have a relative lack of responsibility and a little time on your hands, how much you can learn about yourself. Now, I understand that for the last six years I was not the busiest person in the world, not by a longshot. However, my mind was almost always engaged in something that required it's attention. If I wasn't working or spending time with friends, I was cleaning or organizing, or fixing whatever recently broke at my house, tending to my dog or my yard, and if all else failed I was planning how to utilize whatever amount of free time might be in store for me in the near future, be it one hour or one week. In fact, I would even plan what to do with free time I knew I didn't have. Now, here I am with little to no responsibility, no house, and more free time than I have money to indulge in it with. And this is what I have learned...

I seem to have an obsession with puzzles. Not just jigsaw puzzles, but those will do in a pinch. Mostly, I have realized that I cannot not try to do the puzzles in the newspaper every day. The good news in light of this obsession is that I don't get the paper in Atlanta. In Baton Rouge, however, or New Orleans, or even in Lakeland, FL (where I was this past weekend), I cannot resist the Sodoku (not sure how to spell that), the word jumble, and even crossword puzzles. Now, crossword puzzles are kind of like golf for me: I am absolutely horrible at them, but just one little taste of potential success pushes me to try even harder and waste even more time. Luckily, as mentioned before, I have a lot of time to waste.

In addition to reading, watching movies, running, eating, a cruise, and a few weddings, what does this summer puzzle obsession tell me? Well, I think I am simply suffering from a case of chronic boredom. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed spending time with my family and travelling and all around relaxing. I am thrilled that I have had time to read and watch movies to my heart's content. However, I am realizing that I just need a little more mental stimulation to keep me going.

Alternatively, there may be another explanation. I think that deep down I am starting to suffer from some minor symptoms of EWS (Engineering Withdrawal Syndrome). As a born engineer, I suppose I have a need for closure. I absolutely love what I am studying now as I work on my masters degree, but honestly there just aren't enough "right" answers to suit me. I have immensely enjoyed the pleasure each day of tackling a puzzle, however simple it may be, and knowing that I can eventually determine (on a good day) what the one right answer is. This of course does not apply to crossword puzzles, which I cannot complete to save my life.

Only time will tell if the diagnosis is chronic boredom or Engineering Withdrawal Syndrome. If I get back to school this year and forget all about puzzles, then it must have been boredom, already cured. If I still find myself searching out occassional (or frequent) puzzles, then I will know it is EWS, something I will have to treat for the rest of my life.

The Cruise

I have to say, I’m not really sure why I am so slack in blogging here during the lazy days of summer. I certainly have enjoyed my fair share of laziness, though on the other hand I have been busier than I intended. I’m spending a few days a week in New Orleans at an O&P clinic down there (staying the night at Marcia’s house in between) and a few days a week at a clinic here in Baton Rouge. Other than that, I have been to Houston for a 48-hour visit and on a 6-day cruise. In my free time, I have been reading some, running some, watching a few movies, and packing/unpacking bags a lot.

The cruise was quite an adventure, as most cruises tend to be. The added adventure for me was that I went on this cruise with Marcia and her family, which of course are my family as well by blood. By “family” I mean a group of about 30-40 people that were either related or close friends. Thankfully, I had already met most of the family at Christmas, so I was not totally overwhelmed but excited to spend more time with them.

I drove down to New Orleans the morning of Memorial Day to meet up at Marcia’s house before we went to the terminal for boarding. I was in a gloriously good mood – all packed and ready, dressed for the occasion in casual clothes, flip-flops, and a cowboy hat – and all was well until I got pulled over in La Place, Louisiana for speeding. I didn’t have it in me to beg and plead in order to get out of the ticket, so I just took it and fumed over it for the next 10-15 minutes. As I neared New Orleans, I put the ticket in the glove compartment (to deal with after the cruise) and resumed my glorious good mood. With Marcia, Roy, Stephen, Jonathan, and myself, we had quite a few bags to transport, not to mention people. One of Roy’s brothers and his wife showed up with two SUVs to bring us and our bags down to the river. After waiting in a few long lines and getting our pre-cruise picture made, we finally clambered on board the ship, the Carnival Fantasy. From there the rest of the cruise is somewhat of a blur, but I’ll try my best to summarize.

I spent a lot of time on the Lido Deck (the sun deck) reading and trying to get some sun, despite the mostly cloudy and often rainy weather we encountered. I typically ate breakfast alone because I was the only one ready to leave the room at 7am every morning when I woke up starving. During lunch, though, I usually managed to meet up with at least a few other people in our group, and we ate dinner together every night. If you’ve been on a cruise before, you already know how good the food is. If not, trust me, it is pretty good. I think my favorite meal was the filet mignon I had the first night. It was downhill from there but by no means bad.

Our two stops were Costa Maya on Wednesday and Cozumel on Thursday. In Costa Maya we went on an excursion to tour the Mayan ruins, which was guided by a local woman named Ophelia (I think). I loved it when she said “my country” in her thick accent and then smiled at us with the understanding that we surely did not appreciate her country as much as she did. I tried to appreciate it but at the same time was saddened by the living conditions that we saw, shacks along the highways and people lining the roads desperate to sell their wares to anyone that would stop. The ruins were impressive and the jungle a beautiful (though hot) mixture of exotic vegetation and not-so-exotic mosquitoes. Thankfully, the rain held off until just after we re-boarded our tour bus to return to the port. We had a nice nap for an hour as we drove through the pelting rain, and we spent another hour or so shopping near the port while trying to stay dry. The following day in Cozumel started out beautiful and stayed nice all morning. We left the boat at about 8am and headed to a nearby park to swim with dolphins. I had no idea what to expect of this excursion, but it was really a lot of fun. We each had the chance to perform a number of tricks with our dolphin, Chac, including kissing him on the nose, hugging him, and even riding on his belly as he swam upside down underwater. I’m not sure if those short descriptions adequately describe the experience, but trust me it was very fun and exciting. Chac also performed other tricks without us like jumping straight up out of the water, splashing us with water, waving to us with his pectoral fins, and finally waving to us with his tail fin as he floated head down in the water. We went back to the port area and shopped around a little bit after that adventure, and then we boarded the boat for lunch. Unfortunately, the weather got ugly after lunch, so we did not go back out to the port at Cozumel again.

The last full day of the cruise (one day after Cozumel), I mysteriously woke up sick and miserable. I wondered if it might be a hangover, though I had not had too much to drink and my head didn’t hurt like it would in that case. It was mostly intestinal if you catch my drift. Well, I managed to nurse myself to decent health by that afternoon and enjoyed that day, but I carried that bug with me back onto land. One dose of antibiotics had me back in full swing about 5 days later. Thankfully, I am officially on vacation and did not HAVE to go to the clinics I had planned to go to that week. So I rested up and gave myself an extended cruise-like break for a few days.

As for the family time, I have to say it was hard to spend much quality time with anyone in such a large group. I did, however, enjoy hanging around with everyone and was able to spend time getting to know a few of my new cousins. It is strange to be the outsider all of a sudden entering into this large family, but they have been very gracious and inviting. In fact, they have been extremely nice to me and accepting of me, for which I am grateful.

So that has been my vacation highlight so far. I leave later this week to go to my cousin’s wedding in Florida and then spend next week at the beach with my parents and my brother’s family. After that I’ll be back in Louisiana for a few more weeks before my whirlwind volunteer tour starts. I’ll be sure to share about all that when the time comes.
Finally, I apologize for the lack of pictures to document most of the cruise. I didn’t take many with my camera (just the sunsets as you see) and am a little technologically challenged here at my parents’ house, so I can’t scan the prints that Marcia gave me.

Christ and The Price is Right

I was on a cruise last week (which is a whole different story that I will hopefully get around to telling later) and I saw a girl wearing a T-shirt for some Chistian camp or youth group or something. The shirt was playing off of The Price is Right game show but instead said “Christ is Right”. At first I just thought, well that’s pretty cheesy, but I guess it’s cute. And true. But then I saw the shirt a few more times, and it started to bother me. I thought to myself, is that what Jesus himself would want to broadcast to the world if he made his own T-shirt, that He is “right”? Granted, I do think he was right, and I think he wants people to realize that, but His message was not about right and wrong, and neither was His life. His whole reason for living and dying was because He paid the price for our sins, the sins of the whole world, mine, yours, everyone’s. So I think if Jesus wanted to make a cute shirt about Himself based on The Price is Right, it would have said “The Price is Christ”. He didn’t come to prove anything to anyone but to be everything for everyone. Isn’t that what our world needs to hear? Not that Christ is right but that He is the answer to all of our questions, the redemption for all of our shame, and the salvation for our very souls? If you and I have come to know that Christ is all of these things, should we not present Him as such to the people around us who don’t know? I hope that given the opportunity to share Christ with someone, I do not find myself trying to convince them that He is right. It would miss the whole point.

Fancy Hats

I had to smile when I saw this. My neighborhood paper in Atlanta, which comes weekly, always has a pretty extensive section outlining the social outings and happenings of the previous week. Pictures of Atlanta's socialites dressed in their finest (or whatever dress is appropriate for the event) are plenteous. Last week I noticed an entire page graced with pictures of old ladies in fancy hats. Oh, how nice, I thought, and how boring:

And then I saw a different hat. I love it that this lady decided to top her frilly outfit with a diner hat from the Atlanta landmark Varsity restaurant, risking her social appropriateness. When I am that age, if I am invited to such an event, I will of course show up sporting my very own Waffle House diner hat.

Traffic Lesson

So I just got back to Atlanta from Augusta after a short 2-day visit. A very enjoyable visit, but that is not what this short post will be about. My 2 hour drive (ok, maybe 2 hours, 15 minutes) turned into almost 3 hours because of a majorly flawed decision as I drove into town. While I was still on I-20 but close to downtown, I noticed the handy little traffic board had the following message "Debris on I-75 NB near Northside Dr, 4 right lanes closed". Ok. So Northside Dr is the exit right before my exit. My initial thought is this would be a good time to take a detour. Then I think again (big mistake) and rationalize that it is almost 10:30 pm, not to mention I am nosy and want to see what is happening with this "debris". How many people could possibly be driving through downtown Atlanta at 10:30 on a weeknight? Answer: A LOT OF PEOPLE. So I didn't realize this mental error until I was stuck in the middle of a massive amount of traffic, hopelessly inching along through downtown. Then I hear a report on the radio. It's not 4 lanes that are closed on I-75 NB but ALL LANES. Well, this is in fact bad news. Meanwhile, I am realizing that if I were just a little smarter and a little less nosy, I would have detoured long ago and been safely home already. No such luck. I did finally wise up and realize that waiting to get past the "debris" was not going to be worthwhile. So I veered towards I-85 NB at the split and finally entered the mass of traffic that was actually moving. I took the first exit and very speedily found my way home on surface roads. Still no word on what the debris is, but I think I can wait until tomorrow to find out. Good night.

Update List

Ok, so I've gotten kind of behind on blogging, though I'm happy to say I'm not behind on life. I'm right here at Wednesday night just like everyone else, so that's good I guess. Anyway, here are a few things to report:

1. I did finish the Climb Atlanta race. Thank you to all of my wonderful supporters. I raised twice my goal amount! The race was shorter but harder than I thought it would be, and it was really fun to do with a bunch of other clueless people. It was almost like we were all in line for the newest Six Flags ride beforehand. We were standing around, kind of nervous and jittery, looking up in the sky a lot, wondering how we would make it and how long it would take, and talking small talk about what our expectations were. Then when we started all the anticipation was over and we were in survival mode. Everyone I saw on the way up was pretty much too out of breath to talk, so we kind of breathed heavily towards each other and grunted little encouragement grunts. Afterwards, and after we recovered from the quick energy zap, we were all elated and excited and patting each other on the back. Good job! Let's do it again!

2. Today is my mom's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! She's turing 29 again! Wait, I'm 29. Weird.

3. This past Saturday was the one year anniversary of my last day at Plant Vogtle! Ahh, what a joyous day it was. I can't describe the elation as I walked out that gate, and I am so thankful that one year later I am still quite pleased with the results.

4. Tomorrow will be my last final exam of my first year of grad school. Whew! Almost there, and I am still alive. This semester finals have really had me stressed. I can't wait for summer to begin... only about 18 more hours!

5. I went to a Van Morrison concert this weekend with Julie, who was in town visiting. Well, we sort of went. We actually went to the concert venue, and we heard the whole concert (it was outdoors), but we never actually got inside the gate. It's the most fun I've had being a beggar on the outside of the party. There were quite a few other ticketless fans, so we just hung out with them, enjoyed the nice weather, and listened to the old master do his thing. I'm kind of glad we didn't actually end up paying for tickets after all the fun we had outside the gate. If you look closely in the picture below, you can see that we were within sight of the crowd... we just weren't exactly in the crowd.

Van Morrison Concert, Chastain Amphitheater

How Convenient!

I went to eat on Friday night at the famous Fat Matt's Rib Shack here in Atlanta. I of course ordered ribs, and I was not disappointed in the least. The food was tasty, the music was soulful, and the air was cool (but not too cool) and clear outside on the patio. I was slightly disappointed in the availability of napkins. Our only refuge for hands dripping in sauce were those small folded napkins that come out of a little dispenser on the table. I expected at least a roll of paper towels to accompany such a meal as ribs. The ideal would be Wet Ones wipes or even a damp towel, but this was not the fancy kind of place that would offer such conveniences. As the meal came to an end, though, I looked up and noticed that the place next door just might be able to help us out. Unfortunately, their sign was misleading, and they don't in fact wash hands for a living. But it wouldn't be a bad idea for a place right next to Fat Matt's!

Clearing the Head (and Heart)

I'm feeling a random need tonight to collect some thoughts, to write some things down, to relish in a little moment of clarity (relatively) regarding God's faithfulness.

It's amazing how quick I am to forget - arent' we all? - the goodness of God, the bigness of God, the zealousness of God, and the steadfastness of God. He has revealed to me in the last few days a couple of things that I have found immensely encouraging. First of all, God is always present. I don't mean that in a weird, yoga-like, connect-with-yourself, cooky kind of way. I mean he is seriously always present. We cannot run from Him. We cannot hide from Him. And thank God for that. If it scares you that you cannot run or hide from God, then take a look again at who He says He is. Because it also means that we cannot be alone. We cannot not be loved by Him. We cannot be overcome by our sin. We cannot be condemned. We cannot lose. Wow. If only I remembered that every day. God is not only always available for us, he is always actively wanting us to be with Him. He's not like some statue that we can worship and that is faithful to sit and wait for us to come to Him. He is like us (or more correctly, we are like Him). He has feelings and longings and desires and joys, and they all revolve around us - because He created us in His image and we bear it in this world, however imperfectly. When I am faced with my tiredness, or my irratability, or my boring daily tasks, I can easily forget the grandiose privilege that it is to be alive and to be a child of God. And I can easily forego the opportunity to taste that goodness, to live in light of it, and to bear that image with joy and thanksgiving.

Secondly, I realized on Saturday that there is a distinct difference between "waiting on God" and "waiting". I don't remember what exactly sparked this realization, but I was reading Psalm 19 and Isaiah 62 (both passages that were read at a wedding I went to earlier that day). Somehow it occurred to me that if we are not waiting on God, then we are by default waiting on Satan. The Bible clearly says in 1 Peter 5 that the devil is prowling around like a lion waiting for someone to devour. So waiting on that attack is what happens when we wait passively. Wait for what?, you might ask. Whatever it is you want, whatever it is you need, whatever it is that you wish would change. Whatever those things are, if we are not actively waiting, which would probably include praying about them and seeking God's will or his intervention, then we are simply waiting passively. It's not that God rewards our praying because we pray, but he rewards our praying because it is in that act of desperation that we come to Him, that we admit our own inadequacy, that we learn to trust, and that we can know Him intimately. Those are the rewards of waiting on God. And then the outcome of what we are trusting or begging Him for becomes the secondary goal. Not because God doesn't care about the outcome, but because he cares more about our hearts. Zephaniah 3:17 says that "The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will rejoice over you with singing. He will quiet you with His love." Forgive me if that is not exact, because I don't want to look it up right now, but you get the idea. We are the delight of God. I know I am getting a little repetitive and preachy here, but we need so badly to hear these things repetitively. They are so easy to forget. Tomorrow I will wake up, and maybe I will remember these thoughts, and maybe I won't. Maybe I will wake up late and rush out the door and feel all discombobulated all day. Maybe I will wake up and spend time praying and be reminded of these truths. Regardless of what I do, and regardless of what you do, the truths don't change. That's the beauty of it. Our circumstances are only disruptive and distracting and disappointing to us, not to God. He is just there, and He is the same, and He will wait for us to notice. Praise Him for that.

Climb Atlanta

I randomly found out about this event which will take place on April 21, and I couldn't pass it up. It's a race to the top of the Bank of America building (55 floors), which happens to be my favorite building in Atlanta. The event is a fundraiser for the American Lung Association, and my goal is to raise $55, which would be $1 per floor. Of course, I'm sure they would accept any and all donations that exceed that goal. If you would be so kind, please visit the link below and consider sponsoring me:

My Climb Atlanta Sponsorship Page

My March Madness

Well, I have to say, I have not watched any basketball games this month. Nonetheless, I do feel like I’ve experienced my own March Madness - what a busy and great month it has been! I’ll start from the top and hopefully not leave out anything important.

The month started out with the end of a long run of assignments, tests, and presentations. The last few reports were due on March 7, and I left class that afternoon prepared to have a little fun for the next few days. I had a hair appointment a few hours later with my new hairdresser, Joe. Joe is very cute and also very gay (a tragedy in every way), and his left arm is entirely covered in tattoos. I felt myself cringing ever so slightly as he ran that hand through my hair, so I had to keep reminding myself that he was in fact clean, which he was. Joe passed the hairdresser test with flying colors: he didn't mess up my hair, his salon is about two miles from my place, and the cost was reasonable. So I am happy to report that I have officially found my hairdresser for the next year. Hopefully he won’t move. After that hair appointment, I met Lesslie, Liza, and John for dinner at The Loop for pizza. Then I met up with some classmates for trivia at Dark Horse Tavern in Virginia Highlands. We didn't win, but it was still a good time. All in all, March 7 was a great start to my few days of fun, but it got even better!

The following day, March 8, was my birthday, as it is every year. This particular year was different than all the rest, because this is the first year that I have known my birthmother. Because of that, this is the first year that I have known anything about the day I was born, who was there, etc. I have had a lot of time over the last few months to reflect on all of this, as you have probably read about. I didn’t have any huge new thoughts or feelings around my birthday, but it was special to hear from Marcia and her parents and a few other members of her family on that day. I had a great day with many other phone calls as well from family and friends, and my classmate Missy made a chocolate chip cake to celebrate. After an entire day of class, a few of us went out for margaritas and Mexican food at a great place called Nuevo Laredo.

The next night, Julie arrived from Augusta for a weekend visit. We met up with a friend of mine at the Fernbank Museum that evening for Martinis and IMAX, which takes place every Friday night. We unfortunately didn’t have a lot of time to enjoy the band that was playing, but we did each enjoy a drink and then filed into the theater to see Hurricane on the Bayou. This film was about the effect of Hurricane Katrina as well as previous hurricanes on the Louisiana wetlands. A little Cajun music was mixed in with many great views of the beautiful land that is wasting away. After the film, Julie and I moved on to Blind Willie’s blues bar for several hours of great blues music and dancing. The place was small but full of life, and the music was a perfect follow-up to the film about Louisiana.

That Saturday we took Kelsey to the dog park at Piedmont Park, then we relaxed in the Meadow for the remainder of the afternoon. A U2 cover band was playing at the Park Tavern on the corner, so we could hear the band from the Meadow and thoroughly enjoyed them as they sounded remarkably like U2. In the evening we rented a movie, Facing the Giants, and watched that as a nice fire blazed in my fireplace. This is the first movie I’ve ever seen where Christianity is not only openly but also realistically portrayed. I found it interesting that not once did the movie show any of the Christian characters in church, and I liked that fact. Most other movies try to portray people’s relationships with God to be only in church, but this movie broke that mold by showing how to live life with and for God every day. Kudos to the writers and producers for that.

The following week was our last week of class before Spring Break. Oh the joy of having Spring Break again! We had one more midterm and then a guest speaker for two full days at the end of the week. He took our entire program (18 students + instructors) out to dinner Thursday night, which was hopefully the first of many other free meals at the hands of big O&P companies over the next year.

To start off Spring Break, I picked up Marcia from the airport on Saturday morning, March 17. She came to town to belatedly celebrate my birthday, and we had a great weekend and nice visit. During the day Saturday we went to Lenox Mall so I could run a few errands, and then we came back to my place to get rested up and changed for the evening. We went to see Les Folies Russe (translation: Russian dancers) at the Fabulous Fox Theatre that night and had great seats. I have not been to a real show there since I moved here last May, so it was a nice treat for me and Marcia’s first time in the Fox. The following day we went to Waffle House for breakfast and then to church at St. Paul’s. After church one of my friends was throwing a surprise wedding shower for another friend of ours, so we stopped by there long enough to mingle a little, drop off a gift, and grab a bite to eat. Then we drove up to Dunwoody for my tennis match, which I am happy to say I won. While I was playing, Marcia called an old friend of hers who happened to live right up the street from where I was playing, so she stopped by for a brief visit and I was able to meet her. That evening we enjoyed a nice dinner at Buckhead Diner (thanks to John for the gift card!). After dinner we rented and watched Flightplan. Monday morning we ran a few errands, grabbed lunch at one of my favorite little restaurants in Midtown (Fresh to Order) and then I took Marcia to the airport. I know what you are thinking - what a fabulous month, that must be it, right? Well, not quite, the Madness continued…

Two days later, I boarded a plane with three of my classmates and headed to San Francisco for the American Academy of Orthotists and Prosthetists Annual Meeting. A mouthful, I know. My hands are getting tired, so I will write about that trip in another post soon. In the meantime, here are a few photos to get started…

What My Dog Has Taught Me Lately

Interestingly, in five years of dog ownership, I’ve never really found any of her actions to be profoundly representative of my own. Lately, however, I’ve noticed several times that I could stand to learn a few things from her about myself and how I relate to God. Of course, in Kelsey’s world, I represent her god. I provide for her every need, though maybe not everything she wants. I protect her when she wants to do something that might be harmful to herself or others. I control her environment. I also pick up her poop every day, sometimes twice a day. Now, I know that may seem kind of irrelevant, but stick with me on this one.

A few weeks ago, I was walking Kelsey, and she finally got around to doing her business. Right afterwards, she took a few steps away from her newly formed pile, and she kicked her back legs in an attempt to cover the evidence. The problem was that she was standing right next to me by this time, so instead of kicking some grass, she kicked me right in the leg – quite forcefully actually. In her inadequate attempts to clean up the mess that I intended to clean up for her, she not only missed the mark but insulted me in the process. I think if she had the ability to feel emotions as a result, she would have felt pretty silly and ashamed when she realized what she had done. Isn’t this exactly what we do with our sin before God? He is there every day to pick up our “piles,” to cover what would otherwise bring us shame. When we try to cover it up ourselves, we are never successful, and in the process we insult the work that Christ has already done to pay for that very sin.

I’ve also noticed recently that despite the previously described flaw in my dog, she absolutely never fails to delight in me as the god of her universe. She might be disappointed in me sometimes if I do not act as she expects me to, but inevitably she wants more than anything to be with me. She is bursting with excitement every day when I come home. Even if I leave and return several times a day, it is the same excitement every time. She follows me around constantly from room to room, always at my heels and looking with interest to see what I am doing. She does not withhold affection from me but unreservedly approaches me and seeks my affection in return. Wow, what if we loved God like that? What if every day I was constantly looking for Him in my midst, constantly watching to see what He is doing, constantly offering my affection to Him and seeking His affection in return? Isn’t that what He desires of His children? I admittedly am annoyed with my dog sometimes when she acts like this, but God is never annoyed with us. He delights in us and finds joy in our affections for Him.

And lastly, Kelsey also takes her positive attitude outside every day. We go on two walks a day, usually only ten minutes in duration. To me, this walk is usually a chore and quite boring. To Kelsey, every single time we go for a walk, she might as well be going outside for the first time in her life. She is thrilled and excited and overcome with the world around her. Seeing other dogs and people is always a treat and adds to the adventure, but the fresh air and grass alone are enough to give her a thrill every time. Do I approach the daily constants in my life the same way? Not hardly. I eat three meals a day, often very quickly and out of necessity. I drive around in a car that is reliable (most of the time) and see beautiful buildings on my way to school, I sit in class or go to clinics and learn new and exciting information. Oftentimes, though, every day is a bore, or at least that’s how I treat them. What if every day was like a new day? What if I embraced every meal as though it were my first and could muster up the eagerness every day of class that I had on the first day?

As you can see, I could certainly stand to learn a thing or two from my dog: how silly it is that I try to cover my own sin, how short I fall in truly adoring my God, and how easily I am bored with my surroundings each day. She may be simple minded, but I think I could use a little bit of that simplicity in my life.

Stuck on You

A picture worth a thousand words...

We learned last week about a certain type of prosthetic suspension system that provides a solid vacuum hold of the prosthetic socket to the residual limb. This picture was not staged, and those guys are not acting. They are seriously trying to pull the man's socket off of his leg. As you can see, the hold is in fact quite good.

Caffeine

Well, I didn't think that I was physically hooked on caffeine. Maybe psychologically I needed it every morning, but not so much physiologically. However, as it turns out my head has been reminding me for the past 44 hours and counting that it would like a little caffeine please. I've experienced this caffeine withdrawal headache before, but I usually either have a Coke and it goes away, or take some Excedrin (which has caffeine) to tie me over. My caffeine intake is normally anywhere from 100-200 mg per day, which really isn't all that much, but it feels like I am very much missing something significant in my body right now (well, really just my head). I've read numerous reports about how caffeine is harmless, but it doesn't seem like something so harmless could produce this effect. I admittedly have been more focused on this ridiculous headache for the last few days than I have been on experiencing God through fasting from caffeine. Hopefully it will cease soon.

Happy Mardi Gras!

In the interest of not completely missing Mardi Gras this year, I got festive last night and decided to make a king cake. I took it with me today to the prosthetic clinic that I have been rotating with, and they were pretty intrigued by the crazy, colorful, sugar-laden treat. Unfortunately, there was some cake left over at the end of the day, more specifically the portion in which I had placed the plastic baby. Of course, I do not want my classmates to miss out on the fun, so I made another cake tonight, this one with cherry filling. Hopefully someone will get the baby tomorrow, not that it really matters.

In other news, noting that today was Fat Tuesday and tomorrow will be Ash Wednesday, I have decided to give up caffeine for lent. I just hope that when the going gets tough, this season of lent will be more about experiencing God that about exercising my will power. When I really think I need caffeine, instead of complaining, looking for some other "fix", or tricking myself with decaf coffee and soda, I should meditate on God's provision for me when I think I am in control or able to satisfy my own desires. Check back in 40 days for the verdict.

Dogs and School

Kelsey is getting really bored with school.... even she knows work is not as much fun as play.

The Perfect Pair

Many years ago, my laundry experienced a loss of two socks. I don't know if they were lost at the same time or just sort of close in time, but they were not in the same pair. I eventually noticed that the two remaining socks, both of which had been abandoned by the missing socks, looked lonely. I knew that the lost socks would not return, but the remaining socks were still good socks. And I have inherited from my dad the following philosophy in life: never throw away what you can and might use again (though I don't quite follow the philosophy as strictly as he does). So these socks, one red and one blue, stayed in the drawer. One cold winter's night, or a slightly cool fall night (it doesn't matter), I was searching through my sock drawer for a pair of socks to wear to bed. I always sleep with socks on, and I like to wear socks to sleep in that I don't wear much otherwise, so as not to jeapordize the laundry flow too badly. So on this particular night, I pulled out the one red sock and the one blue sock, and I put them on and went to bed. They were great. From thence forward, I have always kept these socks together, and neither has run away from the other yet. I wear them all the time, and it has become quite natural to me that they are a pair, a match made in heaven. They were meant to be together as far as I'm concerned. One day a year or so ago, a friend of mine was helping me with my laundry, and she couldn't find the matching sock for the red one of this pair. I said, "Oh, that goes with the blue one here," just as though she should have known the connection. It did not occur to me until just then that these socks were in fact a strange pair. You can see for yourself that, though they may be strange, they are happy together. And my feet are happy. Trust me.

Response to God

Here's a little something to ruminate on.

I was praying this morning and was reminded of our options before God in each and every day. The foundation of this simple thought is that God is in our lives whether we like it or not, and He is also in control of our lives, whether we like it or not. So our response can either be to EMBRACE Him, to RESENT Him, or to IGNORE Him. I had to think, which of these am I really doing today? Which is my most common response? Which is yours? I would say for certain that on any given day I am typically either embracing or ignoring. It's not much in my nature to resent. But I would argue that God would consider ignoring Him the most despicable of the three options. I learned this from a book that I have read and re-read called The Journey of Desire. He wants our hearts to be engaged in this world, to be involved and aware and on fire. So if we are embracing Him, great! If we are resenting Him, that's not exactly wonderful, but at least we are honest and not turning our backs to our desires or disappointments. But ignoring God is truly an insult to His existence and a rejection of the cry of our hearts. We were made to be passionate beings! I just needed a little reminder of that today.

State of the Condo

This totally stresses me out...

Stop the madness!

Happy New Year!

Yes, I know I'm a few days late to be ringing in the new year, but that's just the sort of start this year has had for me. I was sick as the new year rolled in, and I am still sort of sluggishly trying to get my bearings as my vacation ends and normal life kicks back into gear next week.

All that said, I want to take a few moments and reflect back on 2006. I started off 2006 with the following comments in my blog:
"So moving on to 2006, why am I so excited? I don't know if I can quite put my finger on it, but I just woke up this morning and had a great feeling of expectation. I don't know what to expect, but I know it will be part of life's adventure, and I can't wait to see how it will unfold."

I know now that the feeling of expectation was no coincident or falsity. The year turned out to be truly remarkable and full of many new and exciting changes for me. When I wrote those words, I had no confidence that I would end up being accepted to Georgia Tech, quitting my job, moving to Atlanta, and starting a new career direction. I did not know the timeline by which the anticipated reunion with my birthmother would unfold. I had no idea how wonderfully that whole process would go or that I would finish out this year by spending so much time with my new family as well as the family I have always known. I simply had a feeling, a good feeling, that the year would be a great one, and I am happy to report that it was in fact great.

I wish I could say that I woke up feeling the same way two days ago on the first day of 2007. As I mentioned above, I felt more like I had been hit by a truck. I must admit, my weak heart is tempted to think that 2007 can't possibly hold as much excitement or joy as 2006 did. My lack of faith is disappointing to me, but I can't hide it. So as this year begins, I am asking God to help my unbelief and to revive my excitement for the adventures that He has in store for me, for you, for this world, and for His kingdom. His promises are just as true today as they were one year ago and thousands of years ago. He is committed to His glory, and it is unfolding every day before our eyes if we will only look up from our belly buttons long enough to behold it.

You may have noticed that my theme verse for this blog is Romans 12:12, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." I was reading this the other day and then read the entire passage surrounding it. It hit me for the first time how I have previously isolated this verse from a passage that is about loving other people and living in community with them. Verse 12 is the only verse that is sort of self-focused and about personal discipline. I don't think it is bad at all to focus on personal disciplines, but I have realized my error in isolating it from a much higher calling. So I will end this entry and begin 2007 with a reminder to myself that knowing God and living the adventure of this life is truly so much bigger than self. I am praying that this year I will be ever more aware of this calling to love and serve others in addition to knowing God personally:

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. ... Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited." ~Romans 12:10,13-15