Good God + Bad Suffering = ??

I’ve been going through kind of a pensive phase for the past few weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always thinking about something, but a few things have consumed my thoughts more than normal. For some reason, being consumed with thought tends to make me less likely to write on this blog. So what I am trying to say is that usually what you are reading is just some random passing thought. And now, as a special treat, I will share some of what has been on my mind lately. I guess I usually choose not to write about such things because I feel like I am not a very good communicator. Oh well.

So I have been thinking a lot in the past few weeks/months about suffering. I don’t think I really know what it means to suffer, though I have had stretches of moments, hours, and even days of suffering in my life. I have several times suffered from physical ailments without the knowledge of whether they may end. This is the closest I have come to understanding real suffering. Intense periods of pain and even the impact of that pain on daily life are not nearly as horrible as the lack of control. It is the worst experience in this life to realize that - even with the help of our greatest minds and most trusted remedies - we are ultimately left in the control of a greater Being. Whether you believe in fate or providence or God or not, you cannot deny that this life is beyond calculation. I have thought a lot about this lately, the idea of suffering and more importantly the reality of suffering. This is no longer an abstract idea for me to discuss and occasionally feel, just for good measure. No, suffering is embodied in people that I see all around me. It is in the face of the mother whose child I am treating, a mother whose entire life was flipped upside-down and inside-out when her child was diagnosed with a disease that is incurable and will leave him dependent on her for the length of his life, for everything. Suffering is the face of a homeless man, hungry and dirty, yes, but also rejected, despised, and very alone in this world. Suffering is a man in intensive care, battered, bruised, and broken beyond what a human should be able to survive, and suffering is the family that watches him lay still and helpless. And then there are widows, lonely lifelong bachelors, those battling cancer or other relentless diseases, and those who feel they just can’t catch a break. Suffering is even going on in the lives of those closest to me, whether spoken or unspoken, someone I know and love is probably suffering right now - maybe physically, maybe emotionally. You may have been suffering just today. Are you lonely? Do you feel misunderstood? Do you feel hopeless? Have you lost something or someone that you just can’t live without? None of us can deny or live above the ultimate truth that we cannot control our lives or the lives of those around us. So what is to be said of the One who is in control? Can He be good? I have asked this question of God himself, wondering how He could stand by and let so many people suffer, whether for short or long periods of time. If He indeed created each of us with tender and loving care, which I believe to be true, then how can He allow us to suffer?

Now you may think that I am going to answer the question I have just posed. But the truth is I really don’t know the answer. Or more correctly, God hasn’t broadcast the answer to me. I really am struggling with the idea that God allows this world and so many in it to suffer. Don’t you wonder too? Well, even though I don’t know the answer, I do know a little bit about God, and I know God. I know that God loves us. God does not love only those who deserve it, but just the opposite. He loves us all, and we all equally do not deserve this love. I know that God delights in being kind to us, in extending His great mercy to a helpless mass of humanity. I know that God has compassion on those who suffer, which brings me back to the original question. Why does He allow it? I know that this world is corrupt, but that answer just doesn’t seem to cut it when suffering is real. I have thought, as I am sure most people have, some people just had it coming to them. You make bad decisions, you live on the edge, or over the edge, and someday you’re just going to end up alone, hurt, disillusioned, and helpless. But seriously, that is ridiculous. Obviously many people suffer who do not fit this description. And then there is the fact that God does not love us based on our performance. I’m sorry to say (again), all the good behavior is not why God loves, and any amount of bad behavior cannot possibly be why suffering occurs. Granted, suffering of one innocent person can be caused by bad behavior of another. So I think I have thought myself into a nice concentric circle. If you are still with me, I apologize.

Just to be clear, I have not given up on God because of these battles in my mind. I think sometimes despite our desire to explain and answer every “doubt”, the answer is that there is no answer. The truth is that I cannot see Jesus, so I must rest in the little faith I have been granted. Just like Thomas in John chapter 20, I want so badly to see and touch and hear the voice of the One who is in authority over our world. Jesus says in John 20:29, “blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed”. I’m trying.