How to Pray

I recently watched the movie "Gravity" and was overall underwhelmed with the film.  However, one thing that stuck with me was the scene in which Sandra Bullock's character is alone, cold, losing oxygen, and decides to give up hope.  She decides to die. In the few moments before she changes her mind and decides to live, she goes through a heart-wrenching monologue, not sure what to say, what to think, how to process her plight.  She mentions that she wants to pray, but says, "No one ever taught me how to pray."

Her statement got me thinking... When did I learn how to pray? Who taught me? How do I pray? For anyone who may be thinking that no one ever taught you how to pray, this blog is not necessarily intended to teach, but hopefully it will be helpful to you.

My prayer life began to form before I was a Christian, as is probably the case for many people, and it has changed and evolved over time. I remember as a kid praying to God, and it was very raw, lacking much direction, but sincere nonetheless.  The more I have read through God's word, the more I have gained some understanding of who God is, and the more my prayers have incorporated scripture. I read God's word back to Him, not in a "name it and claim it" kind of way, but with an intent to submit to His word and His will. Knowing God's word helps encourage my heart to conform to what God's desire is, rather than to ask him to conform to mine. I also use a model for prayer.

How I pray, simply, is how Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:9-13. This is much more than just a model.  It is a springboard for pouring out my heart to God, for submitting to him, for needing him openly, and for trusting in his provision, protection, and peace. Is it "enough" to just pray exactly what Jesus taught us? Sure, it is what he expects. Also, it is our privilege to pray so much more. Let me explain. I'll go through each line of the prayer that Jesus lays out for us and expand on how I use it as a starting point. 

"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name"

This is a starting point for worship. Acknowledge that God is indeed in heaven, that He is holy, worthy of worship, and worthy of our highest affection.  Thank God for what He has done, what He has made, for His character. Acknowledge your own tendency to worship other things or people, and tell God that you know He is the only true source of joy. The psalms are a great source of praise to pray as you worship, for example Psalm 34:1, "I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips."

"Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven"

I usually split this into two sections. 

First, may His kingdom come on earth. I pray for God to bring His kingdom, to be present, to lead me to be active in His kingdom, to bring His kingdom in my body to heal me, to bring His kingdom into my relationships to strengthen them, to redeem His people, to teach us how to love, to show us how to serve. I pray for friends who are hurting or struggling. I pray that God will change hearts that are hard, open the eyes of loved ones who don't know Him, to bring His kingdom in my home, in my church, in my work, in my family. There is no limit to where God will invite Himself and to where you can invite Him to go. Again, this is not a mandate, it is an opportunity to talk to God, to invite Him, to direct your affections to see His kingdom around you.

Second, may His will be done on earth. This is an opportunity to submit our own will to His will and also to ask Him for what our hearts desire. Pray for His will in your decisions, in your relationships, and in your work. What are you anxious about? Tell him. Plead with Him. Ask Him to prepare you for His will. Ask him for whatever you want. He knows already, but you will be comforted in sharing it with Him. He will faithfully conform your will to His.

"Give us today our daily bread"

Pray for God to provide for your needs, both physically and spiritually, that he will feed you in both of these ways. Pray for his Word to affect your heart. Pray for what you will eat, thank Him for this provision. Pray that He will keep you healthy or make you healthy. If your needs are met every day with little question, it's easy to forget Who is meeting them. Acknowledge that He is the giver of all things. If your needs are not always met, you may feel hopeless or in despair. Pray that God will provide and that He will help you to trust Him, to wait for Him.

"Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors"

This is where I repent for my sin. I lay it all out there. He cares. He knows. He wants us to repent and to accept His gracious provision of forgiveness in Christ. He is interested in our holiness. In 1 Peter 1:15, Peter writes, "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do." We aren't holy! So just admit it to Him. Ask Him to show you your own heart. Be willing to see it, broken and in need of redemption, and accept the redemption that God offers. He also wants us to be free from begrudging the sins of others, of harboring anger or pain. I pray that God will teach me how to forgive. If I am struggling to forgive someone or something in particular, I pray for that person or situation. I pray that God will soften my heart, that he will soften their heart.

"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one"

Just as soon as we repent and are forgiven, we must acknowledge our wayward hearts again. We know that temptation is always before us. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) Pray that god will protect you from temptation. Pray that He will protect you from the evil one, from yourself, from besetting sin, from "small" sins. This is an opportunity to prepare your mind and your heart for what the day may bring, or the night, to ask God to be with you and to protect you.

So, that seems like a lot, right? Some days, this is not a starting point for me. Some days, the exact words Jesus gives are all I pray.  Some days, I barely get past "your kingdom come" before I realize I am running out of the time I've allowed for prayer. The beautiful thing about this model from Jesus is that it's flexible, it's adaptable, it provides words to say when there are no words to be found, and it provides structure when the words are gushing out of us uncontrollably. I pray that you will find it an encouragement to your soul.

The Lady-like Test

[This is copied WORD FOR WORD, including font styles and punctuation, from the original list written by Lei-Lei Gray (now Leigh Gray McKibben) in 1997.  My personal favorites are 8, 18, and 34.  Enjoy.]

The Lady-like Test

1.  Must be born a lady.  (NO EXCEPTION)

2.  Must be heterosexual.  (NO EXCEPTION)

3.  Can't chew gum in public.

4.  No burping.

5.  No passing gas in public.

6.  Can't wear brown (black) belt with black (brown) shoes.

7.  Can't wear brown (black) shoes with black (brown) purse.

8.  No dating a man who owns his own bowling ball.

9.  No dating a man who owns his own pair of roller-skates.

10.  LADIES ARE NEVER HOT!

11.  Ladies never use the phrase "...turn me on..."

12.  Never wear scuffed heels.

13.  No dirty fingernails!

14.  Ladies don't sweat.

15.  Can't own a truck that you can't get into in a dress.

16.  Ladies don't blow their nose in public.

17.  Ladies always know when jewelry is too much! (i.e.. five rings on one hand).

18.  Ladies don't use their chest as a wallet.

19.  Ladies never let their roots show.

20.  Ladies don't wear white shoes, EVER!

21.  Ladies don't pick their nose.

22.  No straddling chairs.

23.  Ladies only bend at the knees, never at the waist.

24.  Shoes can't be darker than your hem line.

25.  Ladies don't use toothpicks in public.

26.  Ladies don't "pee"!

27.  Ladies don't swear.

28.  Ladies don't ask gentlemen out.

29.  Ladies never take another's man.

30.  Ladies always wear slips with dresses or skirts.

31.  Ladies never use the phrase "...fart on it..."

32.  Ladies don't bite their fingernails.

33.  No spitting!

34.  Ladies don't use premenstrual syndrome as an excuse to be unlady like.

35.  * LADIES GO TO MARDI GRAS *

Pre-washing

I have had this conversation with a lot of other people, so I know I’m not the only one that has a habit of washing my dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.  I suppose in some ways this is a remnant of my childhood, having washed dishes at my grandparents’ house where there was no dishwasher machine.  I also washed dishes at my own home growing up, probably because my mom trained me not to trust this “dishwasher” to really do the washing in full.  Having been trained as an engineer, I realize the flaw in this common logic, but I have allowed it to remain for many years.  Even today, I have a dishwasher in my home that is less than 2 years old.  This fine dishwasher must be of decent design, based on the hundreds of dollars I paid for it, yet I still place shiny, (not only rinsed, but scrubbed) dishes into it and then waste water and detergent by running the dishwasher anyway.  I did a little research and managed to find this article that actually clearly labels my habit as not only insulting to the design of the machine but also damaging to my dishes.  

NY Times: The Dish on Dishwashers

Apparently, if the dishes are too clean, with no food to attack on their surfaces, the dishes themselves can be “attacked” and damaged.  So, I am officially going to stop pre-cleaning my dishes before utilizing this perfectly good machine to do the work for me.

What I also realized this week is that my pre-cleansing mentality also affects something more serious in my life: my very soul.  As a believer in Christ, I have confessed that apart from his saving blood, I would be literally dead in my sin.  What that death feels like in this world is more easily discussed when we refer to it as simply failure and shame.  Ok, maybe those ideas aren’t that simple, but every human can understand and relate to the reality of our shame.  I don’t like to go before God or anyone else without doing a little “pre-cleaning”.  I know that only God can wash away my sin, but it’s seems easier for me to try to clean up my sin by myself, then go to God with a little less shame and a lot more pride.  I was convicted this week of that tendency, remembering the truth that there is absolutely no pre-cleaning required when approaching God.  He knows about the mess anyway.  If the dishwasher engineer is offended that we put shiny dishes in the dishwasher, how must God respond to our own souls as we come to him and report that we are thankful for his unending grace but don’t really need it, thanks anyway.  It’s ridiculous, right?  I know I’m not the first person to do this, because just as Adam and Eve were the first humans to sin, they were the first to attempt to hide it:

After Eve ate the fruit of the tree (and game some to Adam)... “The eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized that they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.  Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.”  ~Genesis 3:7-8

Later, after God confronted Adam and Eve, exposing their nakedness (which, by the way, did not shock him), “The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.” ~Genesis 3:21

It’s pretty amazing that what Adam and Eve tried to do to cover themselves, God replaced, knowing their need and demonstrating his love for them by providing a much better solution.

In the same way, we too can know that we don’t have to wash ourselves, pay for our own sin, offer sacrifices, make deals with God, etc.  

So when you go before God in private, and when you go to a physical church, don’t pre-wash.  It can lead to more damage than just letting the savior do his work.

Prosthetists and Crossfit

I have been intrigued by this new (to me) idea of crossfit as a workout plan.  I asked a friend recently to describe the concept to me, and he said it is a mixture of gymnastics, weightlifting, and something else (I forgot the third one).  A crossfit "box" or gym offers a daily workout called, fittingly, the workout of the day, or WOD.  The best I can understand, members of the gym then show up when they want to and do the WOD either alone or with a group.  Part of the experience is to develop a team and have a support system to both encourage and push you to reach your goals on a given day or over a period of time.

One thing I have realized since becoming a prosthetist is that I am exhausted and starving at the end of a workday.  So, if I am going to work out, I usually do so in the mornings before work.  As I was contemplating this idea of the WOD, I realized that I already have a WOD.

The daily WOD for a prosthetist goes something like this:

• Modify and smooth 3 plaster molds: aka, intense triceps workout
• Lift some combination of mixed (wet) plaster and/or solid plaster molds, 10 reps x2: biceps workout
• Run or walk back and forth between patient rooms and lab, 10x per day: cardio
• Squat down and duck under parallel bars, back and forth 20x per day: glutes, hamstrings
• Squat down as low as you can in order to best observe gait, 10x per day: glutes, hamstrings again
• Try to sit up straight in your chair while writing notes: abs (just kidding, there is no sitting during the day)
• Grind and smooth test sockets or other devices in machine room: shoulders, back
• Loosen/tighten bolts with t-handle wrenches, unlimited/day: wrist, forearm
• Cut pylon with pipe cutter, 1-2/week: wrist, forearm, biceps, abs (if you are me, it takes all these muscle groups to make it happen)
• Lunch is optional

And there you have it, the prosthetist's WOD.  We don't need no stinkin' crossfit.

The 5 Languages of the 4-way Stop

If you’ve every actually driven a car, even in a small town, chances are that you have come across the inevitable 4-way stop.  I happen to pass 3 4-way stops on my way to work each day (and on the way home, of course).  I propose that these seemingly simple intersections with clearly defined traffic laws are a great place to observe the full scope of our humanity.  It is actually baffling, is it not, that we so often cannot (or will not)recognize whose turn it is to go?  

The rules are not difficult.  I am just going on memory here, but my understanding is as follows:

All drivers are required to come to a full stop upon arriving at the intersection.

The driver that arrives (and therefore stops) first will also go first.

If you arrive at the same time, a car to the left will yield to a car on the right.

That’s it.

The difficulty usually begins when one or more drivers fail to follow rule #1, come to a full stop.  If you never actually stop, how do you know who arrived at the intersection first?  Well, that’s where my analysis starts coming into play.

Some of you may have heard of the Five Love Languages, a great book that introduces and describes a concept related to understanding and knowing yourself and others in relationships.  If you are interested in knowing more about that, I’m sure you can find the book or just google the basics online.  What I am proposing is that there are also five languages that dictate our behavior in relationship to other people, and these languages are best observed at a 4-way stop.  Whether the intersection is busy or not does not change the expression of these languages, though I have observed that things are often more confusing when an intersection is less busy, leaving more room for creatively deciding who arrived first.  

The five languages that I have observed at 4-way stops are: legalism, pride, fear, generosity, and indifference.  I’ll describe each one in detail.

Legalism

The driver who approaches a 4-way stop with a legalist mentality is obviously there to follow the rules.  This person always comes to a full stop, always pays attention to other drivers, makes good eye contact, and confidently (but respectfully) goes when it is his or her turn.  If all drivers were legalists... well, let’s be honest, that would never happen.  But it would be nice.

Pride

This driver is the most important person on the road at any given time, so naturally they are also the most important person at a 4-way stop, regardless of whether they arrived first or not.  The prideful driver is not concerned about any other cars, any rules, or anyone else’s feelings (presumably).  Stopping is optional and usually not necessary or observed.  The only minor concern about other cars is that getting in an accident is not desirable, so the prideful driver will yield to others in order to avoid impending collisions.  Otherwise, it’s full steam ahead, and all the other suckers can wait.

Fear

Timidity is the hallmark of this driver.  Approaching a 4-way stop may be the most daunting task of the day.  The rules are either poorly misunderstood or just not trusted, because this person has a tendency to yield to others even when it is rightfully their turn to go.  Fearful drivers sit anxiously at a complete stop, hands at ten and two, eyes darting around with trepidation.  Should I go?  Should I wait?  They might let their foot off the brake briefly, but if any other driver flinches, they slam on the brakes again.  Oh dear!  The legalist struggles with this person, not wanting to go out of turn.  The prideful driver simply agrees that, yes, they are more important, and thank you for the acknowledgement.  

Generosity

This driver is pleasant enough, and selfless to a fault.  They may be the first of four cars to arrive at a 4-way stop, but nevertheless, they will wave each of the other three cars to go before finally proceeding with cheerfulness.  The generous driver is not as stress-inducing for others as the fearful driver, but the fact remains that things are not going according to the rulebook as the waving or light-flashing persists.

Indifference  

This character is the most squirrelly and difficult to predict of all.  She may be the mom in a minivan with kids raging in the backseat, a teenager lost in a daydream, or the young professional involved in an intense phonecall on his bluetooth.  Worst of all, the texter.  Regardless of the source of distraction, the indifferent driver approaches a 4-way stop with no clue as to what is happening here.  By the time this driver starts to try to go, the other drivers have already decided that it is not worth waiting for the space cadet to figure out it’s his turn.  This leads to a lot of stop-start false moves and sometimes even a near collision, which leads to copious honking of horns.  I wonder how many horns are honked per car passing through a 4-way stop on a given day?

If you’ve ever driven through a 4-way stop, you may recognize one or more of these drivers.  You most certainly ARE one of them.  So, which one are you?

Les Miserables

I’m enjoying a quiet first day of 2013, sipping on hot coffee, and listening to the soothing fall of rain outside.  I could do this all day.  I probably will ;)

A few nights ago, I went to see the new Les Miserables movie.  I confess, that after having seen the 1998 film and the musical on broadway in 2000, my grasp of the details in the story remained lacking.  Seeing the new film unfortunately did not help much to put together the pieces for me.  I have a hard time following the storyline when none of the characters will stop singing for just a minute and say something coherent for my little mind to wrap around.  Don’t get me wrong, the singing was phenomenal for the most part, the drama powerful, the emotion palpable.  The overarching theme of redemption is almost impossible to miss, regardless of how many versions you have seen or whether this new version was/will be your first.  I finally took a little time this morning to research the plot and characters, so some of the gaps in my understanding are now less gaping.  I feel better about it all, actually.  

**If you have not seen the film and do not want to know basically how it ends, stop reading here**

What touched me most in this new film version of Les Miserables was the ending, the last song titled “Epilogue”.  I’ve never seen on the big screen such a powerful picture of heaven.  As the characters are singing together about death, redemption, and new life, the screen depicts a distinct visual transition from dirty, dingy streets of death to a cleaner, restored, brighter, and happier city.  In this restored city, all of the characters who died in the movie are alive again, and they are together, and they are hopeful.  The consistent themes throughout the story of loss, poverty, filth, despair, and grief are replaced with the opposite of these experiences, with the redeemed version of each character.  A small segment of the lyrics during this scene are as follows:

Fantine (as Valjean is dying): 

Come with me, where chains will never bind you

All your grief, at last, at last behind you

Lord in Heaven, look down on him in mercy

Chorus:

For the wretched of the earth

There is a flame that never dies

Even the darkest night will end

And the sun will rise

They will live again in freedom

In the garden of the Lord

...

The chain will be broken

And all men will have their reward

This lyrical and visual fire hydrant as the film ends is a very tangible depiction of what God promises us in Revelation 21:1-4:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them.  They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the order of things has passed away.”

It’s a beautiful truth to cling to in moments, days, and even years of pain.  When humans are faced with the true mortality of this world, we can’t help but hope for something better, and thank God that he has promised to fulfill that hope.

God and the Sandy Hook Shootings, Part I

I’ve been continuing to think about the recent school shooting, and more specifically how to respond to such an atrocity.  I think what we “do” in response to such an event is less important, in the grand scheme of life, than what we believe in response to the event.  For example, some beliefs about this tragedy might be:

None of those victims deserved to die.
Guns are bad.
Schools are not safe.
God should have stopped this from happening.
Some of the victims must have deserved to die.
God allowed this to happen.
God is bad.
God is good.
God is distant.

I am not going to support or refute any of these potential responses, nor is my intention to present the model response.  I hope to explain my own understanding of who God is, because a large majority of the questions asked after a tragedy revolve around God.  I find it interesting that an event of such magnitude with such great loss does tend to rouse within us very strong and distinct views about other people, about our culture, about ourselves, and about God.  Those views, however, are not simply born from hearing of or witnessing a tragic event.  Our views may be affected over time by such events, but our immediate response is more likely born from the views that we held prior to the event itself.

In my last blog, I started to unpack my own beliefs about God.  What I realized in thinking through my response to the recent school shooting is that I believe that God is good.  I hope that this does not sound trite.  I do not hold this belief without challenge or circumstances that beg me to doubt, in my own life and in the lives of my family and friends.  Despite many apparent indications of the contrary, I really do believe that God is good.  One of the key foundations of what I believe has been the Bible itself, God’s word to us.  God’s word is a relationship builder.  It’s not a self-help book, though it can be used to help oneself.  It is not a rule book, though there are laws and rules laid out in it.  It’s not simply a history book, though there is a lot of history found in the Bible.  As a whole, the Bible tells a story, and the point of that story is God’s covenant with his people and His unconditional, undying love for His people.  The intent is that we would know who God is, and not only that we would know who God is but that we would know Him.

God tells us this in Jeremiah 9:23-24:

This is what the Lord says: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom or the strong man boast in his strength or the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord.

If we know God, and we know that he delights in and pursues kindness, justice and righteousness, it’s hard to blame God when tragedies occur.  It doesn’t mean that we know the answers.  I don’t know all the answers, but I do know this God.  And in knowing Him, I know that he’s not vengeful, he’s just.  I know that he’s not cruel, he’s kind.  I know that he’s not evil, he’s righteous.  And because I know those things, I’m comforted when there are times of suffering or questions that I can’t answer.  I think in those moments, when I don’t understand, it is the heart of man that is hard to trust.  I know who God is.  And the God that I know is good.

I don't want to ignore the reality of unanswered questions, but this is my starting point.  In the spirit of my blog's new headliner quote, I do intend to continue pursuing the discomfort of thought as I unpack my thoughts about why God allowed something like the Sandy Hook Elementary shootings to occur.

Why I Have a Hard Time Writing...

I was asked recently when I would write another blog.  My answer, "I don't know, probably soon".  What I thought in my head was, "I write blogs almost every day, but they are never actually written down."  They are streams of thought that I have as I am driving, or working on something with my hands, or cooking, or watching tv, or drying my hair, or raking leaves....  I think all the time about everything, about God, about people, about politics, work, family, being single, the past, the future, the beauty of leaves.  I can't not think.  This is a horrible trait to have when it's time to get some rest, as I'm sure many of you can relate to.  As soon as your head hits the pillow: what am I going to wear tomorrow, what do I have to do tomorrow, did I buy that thing today, I forgot to mail a card, I have got to book that flight, etc etc etc.  Yet, somehow, despite all the thinking that goes on, taking a few minutes to sit and type out those thoughts seems an astronomical task.  Where do I start?  What did I think about today that I want to share with others?  Will they care?  Do I care if they care?  Does anyone have time to read thoughts?  Why would they?  Oh, I don't know where to start.  Maybe tomorrow.  

And THAT, my dear faithful few friends, is why I have a hard time writing.  So today I tried something new.  On my way from point A to point B, I used my iphone memo app to record my thoughts.  When I got to point B, I stopped, after 8 minutes, 27 seconds.  When I got home, I typed it out, literally word for word.  No editing, with the exception of not typing every time I said "um".  Be assured, I have no intention of continuing to type out my "memos" word for word, but I thought this first one would be interesting to share.  It shows just how tangential my mind can be, despite trying to focus on one cohesive subject: responding to last Friday's shootings and the questioning of God's goodness that follows.  From now on, I will use the memo app to help focus my thoughts so that I can then edit them into an actual cohesive blog.  Until then...

For your reading pleasure, or lack thereof, here is today's memo:

"What we believe about God when faced with trials and with tragedy is shaped by what we believe about God outside of that tragedy.  And what we believe about God is a combination of different inputs.  It’s a combination of what we’ve been taught, which we then filtered by our own life experience.  Some of what we believe about God - at least in my life - comes from reading his word, because I believe that the Bible is word that has been breathed by God to his people.  And what I believe about God from his word is shaped by my own view of what that word means.  I believe that it’s true.  I believe that if it’s written there and has survived for centuries on end has been translated and survived the original compilation of his word, I trust in the people of God that he chose, that it’s true.  I also believe that God’s word does not contradict itself, and I believe that if my life experience contradicts God, then rather than questioning God, I must question my own world view and my view of God.  That’s hard to do.  That’s not easy to admit at times, that maybe what I experience is tainted in a way, tainted by my own sin, tainted by selfishness.  My view of any given situation is interpreted by my need to feel loved, it’s interpreted by my need to feel accepted, it’s interpreted by my need to feel peace and comfort, and when those needs are challenged, I don’t want to believe sometimes the word of God which may make me uncomfortable, which may be at times hard to reconcile with what I want to believe about the world and about myself and about other people.  So, as I think about who God is and how I view events in this world, I want to go back and look at what God tells us about the world and about humans, people, his creation.  Because he tells us that we were created very specifically to display his glory, and when he did create man and woman, he declared that they were good.  And we don’t know the time frame I don’t think, but while man and woman were still only one man and one woman, they distrusted God.  He simply wanted them to reflect his glory, and in doing so, to know him intimately and to love him and be loved by him.... I guess first to be loved by him and to love him in return.  And that’s what he wants for all of his people, and yet in that setting where there was no sin, there were no tragedies to respond to, there were no evil people to make Adam and Eve distrust God, they questioned him because of their very nature.  Their nature was to want to displace God... I take that back, there was evil, because there was the existence of the serpent who knew the heart of man and woman and knew exactly how to lead them into sin.  The evil one simply suggested that maybe God did not want what was best for them, that maybe they should take ownership of meeting their own needs, and they gladly, quickly chose to do that.  So because God was intending to meet every last need of Adam and Eve, and because in doing so, he chose to protect them by limiting in some ways their access to certain things, specifically the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they chose to rebel."

There you have it, 8 minutes and 27 seconds of verbal stream of consciousness.  That's it, cut off by my arrival at point B.

Hope That Does Not Disappoint

I came across a verse today in the Bible and unexpectedly (which shows how strong my faith is) heard a truth from God in a new light. No, I did not literally “hear” anything, but my mind was distinctly opened to new insight as I read this passage. So, I asked a few more questions, found a few more references, and decided to share…

I went looking for this passage because I needed a pep-talk today, a really basic one, one that I could grasp not only because of it’s familiarity but because of it’s simplicity. This is the passage I went to:

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” -Romans 5:3-5

What struck me most about this familiar passage was the last verse, where Paul describes exactly why hope does not disappoint. Think for a moment about your concept of hope. How would you define hope, in general? Now, how would you define hope as it is referred to in the Bible? What is it that we are to hope in? How can we know that hope will not disappoint?

In my experience, society in general presents hope as a desire that something specific will happen in the future. For example, we may hope to one day have children. If we have children, we hope that they will be successful adults. If we don’t have a job, we hope we can find one. Right? So let’s take these hopes and put a “Christian” spin on them. Now I am hoping for the same things, but I think that if I pray for them the right way, or frequently enough, or if God loves me (which I believe He does), then I will certainly get what I hope for. If you ask me point blank, I will deny that I can earn any favor from God, but deep down I tend to believe that I will get what I hope for. That’s what scripture says, right? “Ask and it will be given to you…” – Matthew 7:7 I believe that this concept of asking and receiving is often misunderstood, by myself as much as anyone else. I want to believe that I will be able to pray for and receive all that I hope for in this world, but now we have to ask again: what is hope and how can I know it will not disappoint? Another common tool we use in society (in and outside of the Christian church) is the practice of boosting our hope because of someone else’s encouraging story. I do not want to belittle the power of encouragement that we can and should take from hearing stories of perseverance, luck, healing, provision, or any other means of attaining certain circumstances or joys. However, as we look at this particular hope that does not disappoint, Paul is not referring to a hope that is boosted by the success or joy of other people. In fact, success and joy are not really required. Unfortunately, not everyone can experience the same encouraging stories, and sometimes what we hope for doesn’t happen. We know all too well the reality from Proverbs 13:12 that “hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Thankfully, the truth does not end there. Two things that Paul says about hope stood out to me in the passage from Romans. First of all, hope does not originate from what we look forward to. Hope is the product of character, which is developed through perseverance, and perseverance is required as we experience suffering. Hope, then, originates from our past experiences. Paul does not say, “Well, life’s been pretty rough, but I can look forward with hope that it will improve.” Instead, he describes a hope that is grown through experience, a hope that has not been satisfied in this world and does not pretend that it will be. Yet, in the face of dissatisfaction, there is rejoicing. What? This is the second truth: hope does not disappoint. How? Paul clearly describes that the reason hope does not disappoint is because it is based on what has already been done, not on what is yet to come. “Hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” As is often the case with God’s truth, this is totally counter-intuitive. Instead of looking to the future for our hope to be fulfilled, we must look to the past and even embrace the present. God has already poured out his love by the Holy Spirit, which he has already given to us.

I have often allowed myself to believe that hope is not meant to be satisfied in this world, not fully. Our real hope will be fulfilled in heaven. I think that is partially true but slightly misconstrued. Based on Paul’s explanation, we can fully experience hope fulfilled in this life if we hope in what God has already done. What must wait for heaven is a full experience of the glory of God.

“In His great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead” -1 Peter 1:3

Support Adventure Amputee Camp!

Please consider sponsoring me as I take on the Chicago Marathon next weekend – all proceeds will go directly to Adventure Amputee Camp! Read on for the reason why and the details.

[Below was written on 9/5/11]

It’s now 34 days until the Chicago Marathon, a race that I walked/ran my way through last year after a still-undiagnosed knee problem started 14 months ago today. I was happy to finish the race, of course, though I would much rather run the entire 26.2 miles. My legs, which used to keep on going until I couldn’t breathe anymore or just got bored, have now posed quite a limitation to a running hobby that I love dearly. After last year’s mediocre race, I held out hope that this year would be different – so I signed up again to join a few friends for the Chicago race. The knee pain, however, persists. Without getting into all the treatments and trials attempted in this battle, suffice it to say that a diagnosis still eludes me, and pain-free running is becoming less and less of a possibility.

As I have struggled mentally and physically to overcome a limitation that I refuse to accept but must contend with every time I try to run freely, I have found great inspiration from the campers, counselors, and other volunteers associated with Adventure Amputee Camp. You see, the motto and creed of Adventure Amputee Camp is “Challenge By Choice”. The campers, all of whom have either a congenital or acquired limb difference, are offered the opportunity to choose challenges throughout their time at camp. I have been inspired for 5 years now to see kids with one or no legs (or arms) choose to tackle a ropes course that is no joke regardless of how many limbs you have. They choose to take another step, to climb to another height, to face their fears and to overcome their physical limitations. Many of these kids face challenges in everyday life alone that I will never be faced with, but they press on! I think about them every time I am out running (or walking, mostly) and reach a hurdle. I can either call it quits (which many people would recommend), or I can take on the challenge, by choice.

Adventure Amputee Camp, Lake Day 2008

And so, as the Chicago Marathon looms ahead, and my knee pain continues to prove to be an obstacle, I am choosing to take on the challenge. As I do so, I would love to know that every mile I complete in Chicago will make a difference. I am asking that you consider sponsoring me per mile for as little as 50 cents, $1, $2, or more – every penny will be forwarded directly to Adventure Amputee Camp. You can do the math to determine how much this donation will amount to if I finish the 26.2 miles. Please check out the camp website for more information and inspiration: http://www.adventureamputeecamp.org/

If you are interested in sponsoring me for this cause, please text, call, e-mail, or facebook message me the amount per mile you would like to commit to. I will follow up with you regarding further details.

The Discomfort of Thought

After a few years now of few and far between blogs, I have had a few – exactly 2 – requests to return to the old habit. It’s hard to start back into a habit, right? Flossing, keeping that dusting schedule, making your bed, exercising regularly… all are easy when they become habit, but once you stop, well you know how it goes. Anyway, I recently saw a very provoking question posted to Facebook by a friend of mine, very simply put, “Do Christians believe in the death penalty?” Simple sounding question with no simple answer. I almost dismissed the thought and moved on, but then I remembered my very own favorite quote and decided I better think this one through; the quote is from JFK, “Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought”. So here goes, returning to the blog with some serious introspection...

My gut reaction to the question was something like this… well, that depends on who you ask. Not all Christians agree. I believe in the death penalty, I think. I don’t always agree with how it is implemented or enforced, but I have no problem with the idea in itself. Or do I? Some crimes deserve harsh punishment. Some deserve the ultimate punishment, I think, but on the other hand there is that whole sanctity of life argument. Hmmm.

So I have thought about this on and off for a few weeks now. And my thoughts have become slightly more sophisticated but still lack a certain clarity that I desire. This is not a simple yes or no question, because whether one says yes or no must be supported by reasoning, motive, and sound logic. Why? Because the answer one offers must be arrived at by weaving a matrix of opinions regarding many other important questions and issues. The death penalty in itself is a simplified (sort of) endpoint to a combination of supporting beliefs. For example, does one believe in the sanctity of life, that all life is sacred and should be protected? Is there any distinguishing factor that would lessen one life compared to another? What about social justice? Is justice something that can and should be carried out in our world, by each other and by our government? We do have a justice system, as do most governments in the world. Is it the right and duty of our government to enforce justice? If so, and if they make laws and clearly make known the consequences for breaking those laws, is it acceptable for them to then apply those consequences? Which consequences are appropriate for which crimes? A fine for speeding? Confinement for molesting? An eye for an eye? A life for a life? Now we are touching on decisions that must be made for each government, decisions made by people of varying backgrounds, worldviews, and beliefs. Regardless of the rules, though, every person living under the established guidelines has the same freedom to follow them or to suffer the consequences. Then, if this justice system is good and acceptable in theory, is the implementation of the system good and acceptable? Now we are involving more people who must interpret, judge, convict, and sentence an alleged breaker of the law. Now we are entering into very gray areas. The black and white are nowhere to be found.

As a Christian, saved by grace rather than my own goodness or any resemblance of goodness, I do not feel the freedom to answer this question simply based on my feelings or what seems fair. So, I will try to peel apart the question to determine what is acceptable to my God, which I will agree with because I believe He is good and trustworthy.

First, is it acceptable for the government to establish a system of justice? I turned to this passage from the Bible for some insight on this question:

1 Corinthians 13:1-7
“1 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. 4 For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience. 6 This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. 7 Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.”

That’s kind of harsh sounding, but if I am a believer in Christ, the Word of God is my authority. It seems pretty plain that God has called me, through this message from Paul, to submit to the government under which I live, a government which might "bear swords". Does this mean that all governments are good? I don’t think so. That’s an entirely different topic. But I’m only trying to answer one question, sort of. So I think the answer to this first question is yes, it is acceptable for the government to establish a justice system.

Is it acceptable for one of the consequences of crime to be punishment by death? I can’t honestly find any source that says it is not an acceptable punishment. For what crimes? I can’t find any source that says what crimes deserve punishment by death. I do think it’s interesting that Jesus was crucified, yet he did not try to argue against the practice of this form of punishment. Two other men died with him for crimes they committed, and he died in their midst for the sins of all of God’s people. Despite this atrocity, Jesus did not discuss the idea of crucifixion that I am aware of (please advise if I am wrong), nor did his disciples argue the practice in itself. The great injustice in this scenario was that Jesus committed no crime that Pilate, the Roman governor, could discover. Pilate, however, allowed the Jewish crowd to convince him to sentence Jesus to death.

John 19: 4-16
“4 Once more Pilate came out and said to the Jews gathered there, “Look, I am bringing him out to you to let you know that I find no basis for a charge against him.” 5 When Jesus came out wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe, Pilate said to them, “Here is the man!”
6 As soon as the chief priests and their officials saw him, they shouted, “Crucify! Crucify!”
But Pilate answered, “You take him and crucify him. As for me, I find no basis for a charge against him.”
7 The Jewish leaders insisted, “We have a law, and according to that law he must die, because he claimed to be the Son of God.”
8 When Pilate heard this, he was even more afraid, 9 and he went back inside the palace. “Where do you come from?” he asked Jesus, but Jesus gave him no answer. 10 “Do you refuse to speak to me?” Pilate said. “Don’t you realize I have power either to free you or to crucify you?”
11 Jesus answered, “You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin.”
12 From then on, Pilate tried to set Jesus free, but the Jewish leaders kept shouting, “If you let this man go, you are no friend of Caesar. Anyone who claims to be a king opposes Caesar.”
13 When Pilate heard this, he brought Jesus out and sat down on the judge’s seat at a place known as the Stone Pavement (which in Aramaic is Gabbatha). 14 It was the day of Preparation of the Passover; it was about noon.
“Here is your king,” Pilate said to the Jews.
15 But they shouted, “Take him away! Take him away! Crucify him!”
“Shall I crucify your king?” Pilate asked.
“We have no king but Caesar,” the chief priests answered.
16 Finally Pilate handed him over to them to be crucified.”

I can’t find any indication that God is against the death penalty. Murder, yes. Penalty of death for crimes determined by the justice system, no. Do I sort of want to feel that God is against the death penalty? Yes, I kind of think it would be an easier opinion to have, one that would not well up in me a sense of injustice. I just choose to submit my feelings to the authority of God, not because it’s easy, but because I don’t know any other source of authority to which I should submit.

My answer to the question, then, is yes, I believe that the death penalty is acceptable. Would all Christians agree with me? Certainly not.

In light of the recent execution in Georgia, which I assume prompted the original question, I would ask a different question of myself. Do I believe that the implementation of the death penalty is acceptable? In short, no. In some cases, yes, in others, no. I really don’t know all of the details of the recent execution to pass judgment or have an opinion as to whether justice was indeed served properly. Just as with any institution of humanity, we have a distinct strength for making a royal mess of all things good. Do I believe in marriage? Absolutely. Do I believe in the implementation of marriage by all people? No. The list could go on…

I will have to agree with JKF that the “discomfort of thought” is indeed far too often avoided, especially by myself. So, I hope you’ve been discomforted for a few minutes, long enough to agree with me that easy answers are hard to find for complex questions.

House Hunting: Good for the Soul

Why is house hunting good for the soul? You may be thinking, that's ridiculous - that process causes nothing but stress and strain, draining every ounce of your being in the process of draining every cent from your bank account. True. However, below are a couple of reasons that I believe this stress, strain, and drain is in fact good for my soul.

(1) Nakedness: No, I am not house hunting naked. However, as you probably know, your value, your identity, and your power are all boiled down to dollars in the process of making a real estate purchase. What is your salary? Your exact salary? What about the value of your debt? Assets? It doesn't matter what you wear, who your friends are, where you grew up, your daddy's name, or whatever else might give you an extra edge in life sometimes. All the ways that you dress yourself up for your work or your social life will fall away, and you are valued simply as the sum of your bank accounts. When you are staring at a page of numbers that sum up your value, it makes you feel very naked. This is good for the soul in that it challenges us to define what we claim as our value. I personally find my value in Christ, in the freedom that he died to provide me, and in the forgiveness that God grants because of his work on my behalf. What defines your value to yourself?

(2) Commitment: I am the first to line up as a member of Generation-X and claim my right to freedom of choice as well as my right to avoid commitment at all costs :) This is all very appealing except that it ultimately does not satisfy. The freedom that we crave to roam this world is ultimately a license to loneliness. I have been nomadic for the last 5 years, not in attempt to pursue that freedom, but in a time of career transition. I cannot describe the freedom that I feel as I am making a decision to commit (for the second time) to a job, a place, a community, and a home. These are not entirely known entities other that the job, but it is good for the soul to seek and accept consistency in the life we surround ourselves with.

(3) Purification: I am referring to the baring of the core of who we are before self, family, realtor, and mortgage broker. House hunting raises a lot of deep questions that looking for an apartment or rental house just doesn't dig into. What is it that you really want? Who do you really want to identify with as your neighbors? Why? What do you have to have and what can you live without (refer to previous point - there are only so many dollars to go around). It is a healthy exposure of our inner desires and a purification in the sense that we must sometimes accept that what we crave is not to be satisfied with any "thing" in this world. I crave a sense of home, a place of comfort, of acceptance, of carefree simplicity, and of relaxation. This is what some would call a fantasy - indeed - but it is also the desire within me that craves a life everlasting. I am reminded of this craving as I accept the realities of what a home in this world can and cannot provide. It is a purification of desire.

So, while my soul is a little bit uneasy and a lot overwhelmed, I am thankful for this and so many other areas of life that challenge us on the soul level.

Little Seed

I had a little seed. I buried the seed in some dirt. Seeds are supposed to grow, so I assumed that it would grow. Days went by, then weeks, then months went by, and the dirt did not change. So I talked to the seed, “Please grow, little seed. I really want to see what you can become.” But nothing happened. So then I prayed, “God, please make the seed grow into something.” This I knew would work. But it didn’t. Then, miraculously, something did happen. Something did begin to grow in the dirt. But it was not growing from the seed. It was a weed. As more weeks went by, a few more weeds grew, but the seed did not produce. Now I was having to work hard, pulling weeds just to keep the dirt free from them, but nothing grew from the seed. What a waste, I thought, all this work just trying to maintain the status quo, and no fruit. Then I decided, well, I’m already having to work at this… I’ll try to help the seed. So I started to add water to the dirt. Every day I pulled weeds and added water, and asked God to make the seed grow. The days went by and turned to weeks. People started to ask me why I was wasting so much time on this seed. “Are you sure it’s worth it, they asked?” I replied, “Not totally sure, but now I am accustomed to the work.” Then one day, it happened! A little hint of green from the seed peeked through the dirt. Finally! I decided my work was done. I stopped watering, stopped weeding, and stopped praying. Would you believe that the seed stopped growing? That little hint of green, that promise of rich fruit, just stayed stagnant. And the weeds kept growing around it like crazy. Now the people started to ask, “Why did you stop working?” I had no good reason. I wanted to see the fruit grow. I wanted other people to see the fruit. I wanted to believe that the faithful work was not for naught, and I wanted others to believe the same. But now I was busy with other things and did not have time to water and weed. So I prayed, “God, please help the little seed to keep growing.” Days went by, weeks went by, and nothing changed. Just more weeds. Finally, I decided that I must make time for the work. I made time every day to pull the weeds, to water the seed, and to pray for God to make it grow. And would you believe it actually did? The seed produced so much fruit that I could feed others around me that did not have seeds. Everyone began to talk, exclaiming of this great fruit. When they realized that work and prayer together could make seeds grow, they all began to plant seeds. Some grew weary of the watering and weed-pulling, but some pressed on and continued to pray for results. As for me, I was convinced - pulling weeds, watering, and praying for God’s help were a small price to pay for the rich and abundant fruit.

Who was Michael Cave?

Who was Michael Cave? The short answer: He was a teenager in Augusta, GA. He got sick 12 days ago, was unconscious within a few days, and he died 8 days ago. I didn’t know Michael. I saw his name and his picture on Facebook the week that he was sick. Many were praying for him that week, for his healing and recovery. The day after Michael died, I ran into his youth pastor in Augusta. Along with the harsh reality of Michael’s death, he proclaimed with confidence the glorious truth about Michael, “He is 100% healed. He’s with Jesus.” This was not a trite statement, not an empty catch-phrase said to bring false comfort, it was and is the truth, the reality of a promise that even most believers in Jesus have a hard time grasping. Michael was a believer in Jesus, and his family asked their pastor to share one thing with their church family 2 days after his death: He had no time. He got sick, and then he was unconscious before anyone knew what was happening. He had no time to ask questions of God, to wrestle with God, to decide once and for all if he would believe in this God and in His son Jesus. Thankfully, he had already made this choice. I am sharing this brief story because the question I started with, “Who was Michael Cave?” is the wrong question, though I have no doubt he was a great person and will be dearly missed. The right question for me and for us all is, “Who is Michael Cave’s God?”

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.” -Isaiah 40:28

Life and Tents

I went camping this summer, for the first time in a long time. I drove up to the campsite with a co-worker of mine, while her husband and my boyfriend had driven up earlier to go biking in the woods. When we arrived, the guys were still out biking and by the text messages they sent, they were really tired and worn out. So while we waited, we decided to serve the guys by putting up the tents so they wouldn't need to do so after such a hard ride. Laura encouraged me to put David's tent up without her so that when he got back I could impress him with my tent skills. So I worked and worked and managed to erect all of the pieces into this structure:

Unfortunately, the tent is actually supposed to look more like this (credit Sierra Designs):

Hmmm, showing off my tent skills was not really working out well at all! Lucky for me, the campsite right next to us had a nearly identical tent, so I was able to see the end product, start over, and have the tent in pretty good shape when the guys returned.

It's amazing the difference it makes when we have a picture of what the end goal is as we are working towards it. In all of life, whether it be in school, our work, competitive sports, relationships, or simply getting from day to day.... if we just have a picture in mind of what the goal is, the chances of creating a ridiculous and unusable tent are much lower :) So the next time you find yourself frustrated and disappointed with the tents you are contsructing in life, take a step back and look around... See if you can spot a tent to model yours after.

God Bless America

Sometime after my last post (ok about 2 months after), Spring began in Ann Arbor. I guess I didn't feel much like writing blogs when I could actually go outside without freezing my tail off. The summer was a good one, the highlight as usual being my favorite holiday, the 4th of July. I went to Mackinac Island (in Northern Michigan) to celebrate, and it was a great place to be for the Fourth. The largest attraction on the island, other than a large and very fancy hotel, is a colonial war fort, Fort Mackinac. A few pics from that weekend...



Directly in front of Fort Mackinac is a large grassy park area where people could just sit and relax, play frisbee, sunbathe, read, or in my case, work on a remarkable sunBURN (of course unintentional). This was a view from that park, looking out over the marina into Lake Superior. Mackinac Island is located in the Mackinac Straits, which connect Lake Superior to Lake Michigan (I think). I don't have a picture, but you can also see the Mackinac Bridge from the island. I think it is the longest suspension bridge in the Western Hemisphere.



Another interesting aspect of the island is that there are no motorized vehicles (with the exception of a firetruck and an ambulance). Everyone gets around by waking, biking, or riding horses or horse-drawn carriages. I snapped this photo of "Mackinac traffic" one afternoon:

By far the most popular souvenir from Mackinac Island is fudge. And for people like myself who don't want to buy the fudge, a popular pasttime is walking around and getting fudge samples from the oodles of fudge shops up and down the main drag. I particularly enjoyed this partriotic fudge arrangement in one of the shop windows:

Boat all decked out for the Fourth:

All in all, despite the unexpected and unfortunate sunburn I got, I really enjoyed the weekend at Mackinac Island. On Sunday before taking a ferry back to the mainland, we spent about 4 hours watching the Wimbledon final between Andy Roddick and Roger Federer. Wow, that was a great match and perfect ending to a very relaxing and fun vacation weekend.