What My Dog Has Taught Me Lately

Interestingly, in five years of dog ownership, I’ve never really found any of her actions to be profoundly representative of my own. Lately, however, I’ve noticed several times that I could stand to learn a few things from her about myself and how I relate to God. Of course, in Kelsey’s world, I represent her god. I provide for her every need, though maybe not everything she wants. I protect her when she wants to do something that might be harmful to herself or others. I control her environment. I also pick up her poop every day, sometimes twice a day. Now, I know that may seem kind of irrelevant, but stick with me on this one.

A few weeks ago, I was walking Kelsey, and she finally got around to doing her business. Right afterwards, she took a few steps away from her newly formed pile, and she kicked her back legs in an attempt to cover the evidence. The problem was that she was standing right next to me by this time, so instead of kicking some grass, she kicked me right in the leg – quite forcefully actually. In her inadequate attempts to clean up the mess that I intended to clean up for her, she not only missed the mark but insulted me in the process. I think if she had the ability to feel emotions as a result, she would have felt pretty silly and ashamed when she realized what she had done. Isn’t this exactly what we do with our sin before God? He is there every day to pick up our “piles,” to cover what would otherwise bring us shame. When we try to cover it up ourselves, we are never successful, and in the process we insult the work that Christ has already done to pay for that very sin.

I’ve also noticed recently that despite the previously described flaw in my dog, she absolutely never fails to delight in me as the god of her universe. She might be disappointed in me sometimes if I do not act as she expects me to, but inevitably she wants more than anything to be with me. She is bursting with excitement every day when I come home. Even if I leave and return several times a day, it is the same excitement every time. She follows me around constantly from room to room, always at my heels and looking with interest to see what I am doing. She does not withhold affection from me but unreservedly approaches me and seeks my affection in return. Wow, what if we loved God like that? What if every day I was constantly looking for Him in my midst, constantly watching to see what He is doing, constantly offering my affection to Him and seeking His affection in return? Isn’t that what He desires of His children? I admittedly am annoyed with my dog sometimes when she acts like this, but God is never annoyed with us. He delights in us and finds joy in our affections for Him.

And lastly, Kelsey also takes her positive attitude outside every day. We go on two walks a day, usually only ten minutes in duration. To me, this walk is usually a chore and quite boring. To Kelsey, every single time we go for a walk, she might as well be going outside for the first time in her life. She is thrilled and excited and overcome with the world around her. Seeing other dogs and people is always a treat and adds to the adventure, but the fresh air and grass alone are enough to give her a thrill every time. Do I approach the daily constants in my life the same way? Not hardly. I eat three meals a day, often very quickly and out of necessity. I drive around in a car that is reliable (most of the time) and see beautiful buildings on my way to school, I sit in class or go to clinics and learn new and exciting information. Oftentimes, though, every day is a bore, or at least that’s how I treat them. What if every day was like a new day? What if I embraced every meal as though it were my first and could muster up the eagerness every day of class that I had on the first day?

As you can see, I could certainly stand to learn a thing or two from my dog: how silly it is that I try to cover my own sin, how short I fall in truly adoring my God, and how easily I am bored with my surroundings each day. She may be simple minded, but I think I could use a little bit of that simplicity in my life.

Stuck on You

A picture worth a thousand words...

We learned last week about a certain type of prosthetic suspension system that provides a solid vacuum hold of the prosthetic socket to the residual limb. This picture was not staged, and those guys are not acting. They are seriously trying to pull the man's socket off of his leg. As you can see, the hold is in fact quite good.

Caffeine

Well, I didn't think that I was physically hooked on caffeine. Maybe psychologically I needed it every morning, but not so much physiologically. However, as it turns out my head has been reminding me for the past 44 hours and counting that it would like a little caffeine please. I've experienced this caffeine withdrawal headache before, but I usually either have a Coke and it goes away, or take some Excedrin (which has caffeine) to tie me over. My caffeine intake is normally anywhere from 100-200 mg per day, which really isn't all that much, but it feels like I am very much missing something significant in my body right now (well, really just my head). I've read numerous reports about how caffeine is harmless, but it doesn't seem like something so harmless could produce this effect. I admittedly have been more focused on this ridiculous headache for the last few days than I have been on experiencing God through fasting from caffeine. Hopefully it will cease soon.

Happy Mardi Gras!

In the interest of not completely missing Mardi Gras this year, I got festive last night and decided to make a king cake. I took it with me today to the prosthetic clinic that I have been rotating with, and they were pretty intrigued by the crazy, colorful, sugar-laden treat. Unfortunately, there was some cake left over at the end of the day, more specifically the portion in which I had placed the plastic baby. Of course, I do not want my classmates to miss out on the fun, so I made another cake tonight, this one with cherry filling. Hopefully someone will get the baby tomorrow, not that it really matters.

In other news, noting that today was Fat Tuesday and tomorrow will be Ash Wednesday, I have decided to give up caffeine for lent. I just hope that when the going gets tough, this season of lent will be more about experiencing God that about exercising my will power. When I really think I need caffeine, instead of complaining, looking for some other "fix", or tricking myself with decaf coffee and soda, I should meditate on God's provision for me when I think I am in control or able to satisfy my own desires. Check back in 40 days for the verdict.

Dogs and School

Kelsey is getting really bored with school.... even she knows work is not as much fun as play.

The Perfect Pair

Many years ago, my laundry experienced a loss of two socks. I don't know if they were lost at the same time or just sort of close in time, but they were not in the same pair. I eventually noticed that the two remaining socks, both of which had been abandoned by the missing socks, looked lonely. I knew that the lost socks would not return, but the remaining socks were still good socks. And I have inherited from my dad the following philosophy in life: never throw away what you can and might use again (though I don't quite follow the philosophy as strictly as he does). So these socks, one red and one blue, stayed in the drawer. One cold winter's night, or a slightly cool fall night (it doesn't matter), I was searching through my sock drawer for a pair of socks to wear to bed. I always sleep with socks on, and I like to wear socks to sleep in that I don't wear much otherwise, so as not to jeapordize the laundry flow too badly. So on this particular night, I pulled out the one red sock and the one blue sock, and I put them on and went to bed. They were great. From thence forward, I have always kept these socks together, and neither has run away from the other yet. I wear them all the time, and it has become quite natural to me that they are a pair, a match made in heaven. They were meant to be together as far as I'm concerned. One day a year or so ago, a friend of mine was helping me with my laundry, and she couldn't find the matching sock for the red one of this pair. I said, "Oh, that goes with the blue one here," just as though she should have known the connection. It did not occur to me until just then that these socks were in fact a strange pair. You can see for yourself that, though they may be strange, they are happy together. And my feet are happy. Trust me.

Response to God

Here's a little something to ruminate on.

I was praying this morning and was reminded of our options before God in each and every day. The foundation of this simple thought is that God is in our lives whether we like it or not, and He is also in control of our lives, whether we like it or not. So our response can either be to EMBRACE Him, to RESENT Him, or to IGNORE Him. I had to think, which of these am I really doing today? Which is my most common response? Which is yours? I would say for certain that on any given day I am typically either embracing or ignoring. It's not much in my nature to resent. But I would argue that God would consider ignoring Him the most despicable of the three options. I learned this from a book that I have read and re-read called The Journey of Desire. He wants our hearts to be engaged in this world, to be involved and aware and on fire. So if we are embracing Him, great! If we are resenting Him, that's not exactly wonderful, but at least we are honest and not turning our backs to our desires or disappointments. But ignoring God is truly an insult to His existence and a rejection of the cry of our hearts. We were made to be passionate beings! I just needed a little reminder of that today.

State of the Condo

This totally stresses me out...

Stop the madness!

Happy New Year!

Yes, I know I'm a few days late to be ringing in the new year, but that's just the sort of start this year has had for me. I was sick as the new year rolled in, and I am still sort of sluggishly trying to get my bearings as my vacation ends and normal life kicks back into gear next week.

All that said, I want to take a few moments and reflect back on 2006. I started off 2006 with the following comments in my blog:
"So moving on to 2006, why am I so excited? I don't know if I can quite put my finger on it, but I just woke up this morning and had a great feeling of expectation. I don't know what to expect, but I know it will be part of life's adventure, and I can't wait to see how it will unfold."

I know now that the feeling of expectation was no coincident or falsity. The year turned out to be truly remarkable and full of many new and exciting changes for me. When I wrote those words, I had no confidence that I would end up being accepted to Georgia Tech, quitting my job, moving to Atlanta, and starting a new career direction. I did not know the timeline by which the anticipated reunion with my birthmother would unfold. I had no idea how wonderfully that whole process would go or that I would finish out this year by spending so much time with my new family as well as the family I have always known. I simply had a feeling, a good feeling, that the year would be a great one, and I am happy to report that it was in fact great.

I wish I could say that I woke up feeling the same way two days ago on the first day of 2007. As I mentioned above, I felt more like I had been hit by a truck. I must admit, my weak heart is tempted to think that 2007 can't possibly hold as much excitement or joy as 2006 did. My lack of faith is disappointing to me, but I can't hide it. So as this year begins, I am asking God to help my unbelief and to revive my excitement for the adventures that He has in store for me, for you, for this world, and for His kingdom. His promises are just as true today as they were one year ago and thousands of years ago. He is committed to His glory, and it is unfolding every day before our eyes if we will only look up from our belly buttons long enough to behold it.

You may have noticed that my theme verse for this blog is Romans 12:12, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." I was reading this the other day and then read the entire passage surrounding it. It hit me for the first time how I have previously isolated this verse from a passage that is about loving other people and living in community with them. Verse 12 is the only verse that is sort of self-focused and about personal discipline. I don't think it is bad at all to focus on personal disciplines, but I have realized my error in isolating it from a much higher calling. So I will end this entry and begin 2007 with a reminder to myself that knowing God and living the adventure of this life is truly so much bigger than self. I am praying that this year I will be ever more aware of this calling to love and serve others in addition to knowing God personally:

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. ... Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited." ~Romans 12:10,13-15

Hindsight

I was looking through some old photos for a "photo every now and then" to post, just for kicks, when I came across these pictures. If you look at the first one, you will see that there is a raging river with a little suspension bridge strung across it.

Now let me paint the full picture for you. The river was somewhere in the Dominican Republic in July 2005. I was with a large group in small cars, and we rode up many winding mountain roads before finally stopping at what appeared to be a place with no significant attraction. Then we were told we were going to walk up a little path by the river to see a waterfall. There had been a hurricane that passed over the island only a day or two prior, so the raging river was truly at it's peak of flow and force. It was so loud I remember having to yell at each other, and we could still hardly communicate. Now, this apparently was a pretty popular tourist attraction, but tourist attractions in the Dominican Republic are not like those in the US. There are no people to give tours, no signs or directions, and really no sense that anyone was responsible for making the path (and the bridge) safe. We simply trusted our fearless leader, a missionary who had lived there for a few years, and trotted down the path towards the first of several suspension bridges. You can see in these next few pictures that each person had a different approach to crossing the bridges. Lauren, for instance, was literally fearing for her life, clinging to both sides of the bridge, and crying. She almost didn't make it. John, on the other hand, is obviously either really confident or just not altogether paying attention to what is going on around him. You will notice that Lauren is actually on the much less scary looking bridge. My approach was somewhere in between, cautious but basically confident, though I don't know what I was confident in. Needless to say, this was an adventure I will not soon forget. We did make it to the waterfall, and believe it or not, it was actually worth risking our lives to see it.

Adoption Story:::The Latest (and Merry Christmas)

I have been reminded numerous times in the last few weeks about my sparse blog, so I figure I better write a few thoughts before my three adoring fans give up completely. Coincidentally, I happen to have quite a bit to write about, so here goes…

I finished out the first semester of the GT O&P program exactly 11 days ago. I remember final exams being quite a blur in my undergrad days, with little sleep and even less information remaining in my brain after all the cramming. This first experience of grad school exams was much different. I did study, but I also had a little better approach and a much greater grasp on the concept of time management. I got plenty of sleep, I was still conscious at the end of finals week, I enjoyed a few holiday parties with classmates, and I was on my way to enjoy the holidays here in Baton Rouge.

I arrived in Baton Rouge a week ago today after a few quick trips to Augusta and Columbus. The following afternoon I drove to meet up with Marcia and then ride with her to Donaldsonville to meet her parents, also affectionately known as Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw. I had seen their pictures and spoken to them on the phone a few times, but it was truly a joy to finally meet them, hug them, and spend the evening with them in their warm and welcoming home. We enjoyed some wonderful corn and crawfish soup as well as deliciously marinated steaks. I left that night with the assurance that I was welcome anytime to return for a visit, and in fact I was sort of threatened (in a good way) not to be caught nearby without visiting.

The following day, my parents and I met Marcia and Roy for lunch in a little town between Baton Rouge and New Orleans. I think everyone was a little nervous at first, but we did enjoy a nice long lunch and some long-awaited conversation. I sort of sat back and observed most of the time, not contributing much to the discussion. I was at the end of the table, and I had my parents on my left and my birth mother and her husband on my right. As you might imagine, it was strange to say the least, but it was wonderful to put it mildly. I couldn’t ask to be surrounded by greater people on both sides of that table, and I was mostly just trying to comprehend it all as I watched them interact and listened to the words that they had waited so long to share with each other.


I spent the next few days in Baton Rouge, hanging out with my parents like I usually do when I am here. We did some shopping, saw a few movies, and ate out a little. Then on Saturday I ventured down to New Orleans to meet Marcia and Roy’s kids and spend the day with the whole family. We had a wonderful day full of good food, great weather, a very nice visit to the French Quarter, and some relaxing time at their house just visiting and playing games. It was a nice mix of time with the whole family and some time alone with Marcia to catch up and talk some more about this whole new world of knowing one another.

Today was of course Christmas, and I started the day here with my parents. We exchanged gifts and spoke with my brother and his family on the phone (they will be coming here on Wednesday). Then we showered up and went to the house of some family friends for lunch and a white elephant gift exchange. We stayed over there until late afternoon, and then I drove to Donaldsonville to Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw’s house. I met two of Marcia’s siblings as well as some of my new cousins, and we watched football, ate dinner, and hung out for a few hours. They all looked basically like the pictures I have seen and were of course extremely nice and inviting. I wish I had remembered to take some pictures with them before I left!

I’m sure that all of this new information sparks a few questions: What is it like? or How do you feel? I must say, it’s really hard to say. I can say with certainty that I feel good, very happy, and all around almost elated. I started out very carefully in this process of meeting my new family and gauging my (adoptive) family’s reactions and feelings. I never felt any resistance whatsoever from my family, but I was of course concerned for them and for myself as we approached unknown territory. I was equally concerned for Marcia and her family as we moved forward and have spent much time together and in communication. I have probably never prayed so much for any situation in my life, and I’ll be darned if God doesn’t show up big time when that much prayer is lifted up to Him. I read a comment by another adoptee recently who stated that he had two families but felt like he was not fully part of either one. I can definitely see what he meant, as there is the genetic disconnection with my adoptive family and the 28-year disconnection from my biological family. Despite those disconnections, I feel intimately connected to both of my families, and better yet, they are becoming connected to each other as well.

Christmas is winding down with only a few more minutes remaining before midnight, but I hope yours was wonderfully Merry this year. Mine certainly has been.

Season of Welcome

I heard a familiar song yesterday on the radio, familiar but sort of forgotten to me. As with another song I wrote about recently, I have this one on CD, but I rarely listen to it and even more rarely pay attention to the lyrics. This is not a Christmas song, per se, but it is a Christmas song in reality. I was reminded as I listened to the gentle invitation of the song, "Welcome to Our World," that this season of celebrating Christ's birth is all about re-inviting him into our world and into our hearts. So in the midst of all the busy craziness of holiday parties and family arrangements and traveling to and fro, I hope that I won't forget to acknowledge, welcome, and worship this little Child who is my Savior, who "robs our sin and makes us holy."


Welcome To Our World
Chris Rice

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You’ve been promised, we’ve been waiting
Welcome Holy Child
Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don’t mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited Holy Stranger
Make yourself at home
Please make yourself at home

Bring your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven’s silence
Welcome to our world
Welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around you
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy
Perfect Son of God
Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world

Nothing in Particular

I felt the need to write a little tonight in the old blog, but I don't have anything particular to share, so I will ramble a little.

First, I will update you all on the progress of my new fingernail. It is still growing, but VERY SLOWLY. In the meantime, the old fingernail is getting more pitiful every day and hanging on by a few weak cellular connections.

I am proud to announce that I have officially started my Christmas shopping, and lo and behold it is still November! This may be a first for me, but there are still many weeks for me to get behind in completing this task, so I won't celebrate too much yet. Speaking of shopping, today I went for the first time to the much acclaimed IKEA store at Atlantic Station. Wow, I had no idea what I was getting myself into! Just getting in the place to park was like going to a full-blown mall or maybe even a small airport, but keep in mind it is just one store. One very large store. It took me a few minutes after I was inside the building to figure out which way to go to start shopping. I wish I had been accompanied by an experienced IKEA-shopper to introduce me to this megalopolis of homewares. Thankfully, I was in no hurry, so I slowly navigated my way around and wandered around wide-eyed for a while. I even bought a few things, though I almost thought I would never find my way out of the shopping area to the pay-and-leave area. I finally managed to get to the cashiers, make my transaction, and find my car in the parking garage. Whew! I will spare you the next adventure, which was a visit to the rest of the Atlantic Station shopping area. Let's just say I felt like a complete foreigner in my own land, completely incapable of navigating my way around in a remotely intelligible manner. Maybe I'm not cut out for the big city after all.

And finally, an update on school. I almost forgot about school. We are nearing the end of the first semester (1 of 4), and so far I am still enjoying prosthetics and orthotics and school in general. This morning was the first of our last four major tests for the semester, and we also have one group research project to complete. So with three tests and one project to go, I feel good about this nice tidy list to check off before the start of my first 3-week Christmas break in six years. Yeah!

Productive Procrastination

In order to best remain true to my procratinating tendencies, I have been completely unable to accomplish the extent of my goals for this evening. At least not yet. I am still trying to overcome my aversion to completing a task before the last possible minute, so maybe before I turn in for the night I will finish at least one thing. One thing I am working on is a presentation for this coming Monday, and I am near completion. It is a scary feeling to be so far ahead of schedule, thus my inner procrastinating self is rebelling strongly. I do not know this feeling of being ahead of the game, and it is being rejected by every fiber of my being. In order to divert my attention from this strange feeling, I took a few minutes to read about another procrastinator's story...

He very wisely describes his theory of structured procrastination:
"All procrastinators put off things they have to do. Structured procrastination is the art of making this bad trait work for you. The key idea is that procrastinating does not mean doing absolutely nothing. Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, like gardening or sharpening pencils or making a diagram of how they will reorganize their files when they get around to it. Why does the procrastinator do these things? Because they are a way of not doing something more important. If all the procrastinator had left to do was to sharpen some pencils, no force on earth could get him do it."

And one more bit of wisdom:
"Procrastinators often follow exactly the wrong tack. They try to minimize their commitments, assuming that if they have only a few things to do, they will quit procrastinating and get them done. But this goes contrary to the basic nature of the procrastinator and destroys his most important source of motivation. The few tasks on his list will be by definition the most important, and the only way to avoid doing them will be to do nothing."

Very interesting. I like the way this guy thinks; I can understand and relate. We must suffer from the same disorder. Lucky for me, he has already figured out how to master this weakness and turn it into strength. All I need to do is find something more important to do than this presentation, and I will have it finished in no time.

More info:
http://www.structuredprocrastination.com/

The Ocean

This morning I heard a song on the radio that I hadn't heard in a long time. I actually have the album, but I have an abundance of CDs and some get lost in the shuffle. Hearing the song really made me smile, as it is a great reminder of the greatness of God. Greatness as in bigness. When I was little, before I really understood anything about God, the ocean was a place that I could always sense the greatness of our Creator. In the presence of such vastness and the powerful churning of waves against the shore, how could you not be in awe? The song that I heard earler (lyrics below) really captures that feeling that the ocean tends to create... "something about the ocean makes me rise up and praise". Add a starry night to the scene and my soul is on comprehension overload.


Ocean (by Ten Shekel Shirt)

"Lately, I've been thnking about You
And lately, I've been dreaming of You
And lately, I can't get You out of my head
Get You out of my head

Something about the ocean
Makes me rise up and praise
Something about the heavens
Makes me stand in awe again
Something about the sunrise
Reminds me of Your faithfulness
Something about the ocean
And I'm lost in love again
I'll sing until I sense a smile
Upon Your great and lovely face
And till I know Your glory's in this place
Your glory's in this place"

Rebirth

More accurate than "rebirth" would probably be "regrowth", but I used the word rebirth for a reason. To what am I referring? I am writing of my poor, previously smashed, dead fingernail. This is somewhat of a gross topic, I know, which is why I managed to talk myself out of posting photos for all the world to see. Nonetheless, I am amazed to report that today I first noticed the new nail that is growing in behind the old and dead one. I knew this regrowth would happen, as it is a natural reponse from a healthy body, but I am utterlly amazed anyway. It is amazing that we can destroy, however unintentionally, certain parts of our bodies and they will grow right back. I know there is a finite limit to this concept, but it is still pretty impressive. What is so impressive is the precision with which our bodies know to create certain types of cells in certain places with specific compositions and functions. As I am witnessing this take place on the nail bed of my left index finger, I am in awe of the complexity that I take for granted when the nail grows every day of my life in a minute and invisible proportion. Our skin does the same thing, constantly replenishing and rejuventating itself every day of our lives. Bones do too, and the list goes on. Because my old fingernail had literally become disconnected from the back of the nail bed, it is truly like watching the birth of a new nail as this very slow process is finally becoming visible (my injury occurred on September 21). So if you are feeling a little weary, or if you feel like your old bones are just not what they used to be, find encouragement in your rebirth today. There are wonderful new cells being created in you all the time!

Promoting

I almost hate to share what I am about to write, because it reveals a certain amount of hypocrisy in myself. But oh well, who am I to pretend that I am not a hypocrite?

Today, for the first time in a long time, I had the privilige and joy of promoting a field, a career, and a vision that I truly believe in. Some of us who are in the MSPO program and part of an organization called POP (Promoting Orthotics and Prosthetics) participated in a technology fair at Tech today that highlighted technology in the realm of disabilities. I truly enjoyed the opportunity to answer questions and share about why I love this field, why it is so exciting, and why others should love it as well. You can see here that I was really enjoying myself:


On the other hand, back in my previous career, I was equally involved in promoting the field. The difference was that I didn't truly believe in it. Now, I wouldn't say that I was entirely lying or deceiving, as I did and do believe that nuclear power can be a great career for some people. But it wasn't the career for me, so I often had to muster up the enthusiasm to get me through a career fair or high school educational visit. You can see here that I really looked like I was enjoying myself:

But the reality is that I was basically just acting in that previous career, acting like I loved it, acting like it was terribly exciting, and acting like others should really love it too. I am so thankful now to be able to just be myself and to not have to act but truly promote what I do with enthusiasm that does not have to be mustered up.

All We Have

This morning I was reminded of some really vital truths, and at the same time I realized and saw some new truths.

First, regarding free will, it was explained to me that the free will which Adam and Eve experienced is no longer available to us except through Christ. I will attempt to unpack that statement a little, as it may not make a lot of sense otherwise. When God created Adam and Eve and the garden, he gave them reign over everything and the ability to choose freely what they desired to do. The ONLY command that he gave them was not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. As you probably know, the serpent (Satan) tempted them, and ultimately they chose to disobey God and eat the fruit. It was in this instant that they and all of mankind were tainted. Now, left to our own devices, we will always choose evil. We doubt God. We doubt his commands. We want to be in charge, to rule our own worlds. And we choose evil every time. Only in Christ can we now uphold the law, because he has upheld it for us. This is important to get right: the take home truth is not that we can obey the law through Christ; the truth is that Christ obeyed the law for us, therefore we can uphold the law by faith in him and the work that he has done already.

Secondly, God is all we have. In Deuteronomy 5, where the ten commandments are first written, we find the first commandment: You shall have no other Gods before me. I have always seen this in what our pastor this morning called a “limiting” view. And in reality, there are limits imposed by the command, there are things that are forbidden. What we tend to miss is the limitless promise that is wrapped up in that command. The promise is that in God we have protection, redemption, salvation, freedom, and a whole host of limitless blessings. What we often don’t see in the command is that not only is God jealous for our love and loyalty, but there is NO OTHER god that accepts us and offers us anything even close to those promises. All the things and people and entities that we want so desperately to trust in will fail us. They will leave us hanging out to dry. They fall short. God commands us to place Him first because He knows that we have no other viable options. Wow, what a wonderful new perspective! It seems so obvious to me now, but I really didn’t see this before. It is the same with all the other commandments: they are limitless, not limiting. Think back to Adam and Eve. If they had simply trusted in God’s wisdom, not questioning why they should have a “limit” imposed on them, embracing the unlimited world around them, we would all still be enjoying the paradise of the garden of Eden.

Thank God that when we have nowhere else to turn, we have Him. I wish I believed that and embraced His promises every day. Unfortunately I am just like Adam and Eve, questioning my limits and looking for alternative sources of hope and joy. It is God’s grace that I come up empty handed at every turn, and He is always there waiting to provide for every need.

Bebo Norman, one of my favorite songwriters, has a beautiful song that acknowledges the very fact that God is all we have:

Nothing Without You

Take these hands
And lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
See, I have nothing
I have nothing without You

And take my voice and pour it out
Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found
For I have nothing
I have nothing without You

And all my soul needs is all Your love
To cover me, so all the world will see
That I have nothing without You

Take my body and build it up
May it be broken as an offering of love
For I have nothing
I have nothing without You

And all my soul needs is all Your love
To cover me so all the world will see
That I have nothing
That I love You, yeah
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And all the strength I can find

Take my time here on this earth
And let it glorify all that You are worth
For I am nothing I am nothing without You

Photo Every Now and Then #2

Despite my frequent lamentations regarding the onset of Fall, which leads to the inevitable Winter, I have to admit that Fall is an aesthetically pleasing time of year. I caught this glimpse on today's rainy afternoon walk with Kelsey. I'm not certain that it captures the moment very well, but the best part about this scene is the colorful wet leaves on the ground with a pattern of car tracks interrupting their blanketing effect. This is the closest in Georgia that we usually get to what it might look like to have snow on the ground.

Atlanta, October 2006

Adoption Story ::: Reunion

Well, I’m not sure exactly where to begin in describing this past weekend, other than to say that it was very, very good and that God is very, very good. I’ll do my best to recount what I can put into words.

I arrived at the airport on Friday night in a fairly normal but excited state. A little over an hour later, I was seeing and hugging the woman who 28 years ago gave me life, which of course I can never adequately thank or repay her for, ever. She handed me a huge bouquet of roses, which I did not at the time count or read the card for. That was the end of my state of normalcy for the rest of the night and most of the weekend. The next hour or so was marked by our awkward attempts to get her bags, get to the car, get out of the airport, and finally sit down somewhere so that we could think and talk. I began to realize after sitting down at the restaurant that I would not be able to eat, as my stomach was in knots and getting worse by the minute. After having seen Marcia in pictures, having read her written thoughts, and having spoken on the phone, it was still surreal to see her sitting in front of me, staring back at me. She seemed so calm and collected, and she thankfully had the composure to make conversation and did a pretty good job of getting at least some conversation out of me. I honestly don’t remember much of what we talked about over our meal, but I think we mostly caught up on things that we knew about each other already from previous communications. After she ate and I picked at my food, we had a little coffee and then left to go to her hotel. I went up to her room with her, and we each had gifts that we wanted to give one another. I sat down for a little while and we finally did talk about some things from the past, about my birth and adoption and her decisions and feelings from that time. Our fears and concerns were revealed, and it was amazing to realize the work that God had done in both of our hearts to prepare us for this time. We found that there is no resentment or denial or regret, only the realization that God’s will was done then and is still being done now. With more ground still to cover, we decided to call it a night, as it was after midnight, and I returned to my home for the night. When I got home, I set down the roses on my kitchen counter, grabbed a vase, and saw the card when I went to open the container. It was only then that I noticed there were 28 roses in that box, “one for every year we have been apart”. Wow, I wish I had been sitting down when I noticed that. My friends Holly and Emily from Augusta were staying with me that night, so I spent a little time updating them on the night and pinching myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Yes, I had actually just met my birth mother, and yes, she was real. Wow.

For the remainder of the weekend, we continued to catch up on lost time, lost years, and we gradually became more comfortable with one another. My stomach didn’t fully recover until Tuesday, but I was able to eat a little more throughout the weekend. We found that we have some things in common that are genetic and some that may not be genetic. We talked, laughed, cried, and mostly just relaxed. We both talked to our respective families, who were all sharing in our excitement, and we talked about meeting them all in the near future. Saturday afternoon, we went to Piedmont Park and enjoyed a gorgeous Fall day here in Atlanta. Saturday evening we met some of our respective friends for dinner. Holly and Emily joined us, and Marcia’s friend Jeanette was also able to join us. It was amazing to be able to share each other and our new relationship with those close friends. After dinner, Marcia and I followed Holly and Emily to the airport to greet Julie, who was returning from a mission trip to Ghana. We visited for a few short but worthwhile moments, then Holly, Emily, and Julie returned to Augusta. Sunday, Marcia and I attended a church that I was visiting for the second time. It was a wonderful service in its own right, but it was especially a blessing have her there alongside me in worship. Sunday night, we cooked dinner at my place, made a fire in the fireplace, and enjoyed sharing photos with each other. Marcia gave me a nice album with pictures of her family, now also part of my family, and she introduced me to everyone that I will soon meet in person. Knowing that I have a very small family, she has been very careful to slowly reveal to me the amount of people that are now ready to embrace me as one of their own. I have to admit, this is a strange new thing, and thankfully she and they are all very sensitive to my position as I get to know them.

Monday afternoon, I took Marcia to the airport. We spent the last few minutes of the weekend realizing that it still didn’t seem quite real, that we didn’t seem quite real to each other. But we are real, and this is real, and we are blessed.