Nothing in Particular

I felt the need to write a little tonight in the old blog, but I don't have anything particular to share, so I will ramble a little.

First, I will update you all on the progress of my new fingernail. It is still growing, but VERY SLOWLY. In the meantime, the old fingernail is getting more pitiful every day and hanging on by a few weak cellular connections.

I am proud to announce that I have officially started my Christmas shopping, and lo and behold it is still November! This may be a first for me, but there are still many weeks for me to get behind in completing this task, so I won't celebrate too much yet. Speaking of shopping, today I went for the first time to the much acclaimed IKEA store at Atlantic Station. Wow, I had no idea what I was getting myself into! Just getting in the place to park was like going to a full-blown mall or maybe even a small airport, but keep in mind it is just one store. One very large store. It took me a few minutes after I was inside the building to figure out which way to go to start shopping. I wish I had been accompanied by an experienced IKEA-shopper to introduce me to this megalopolis of homewares. Thankfully, I was in no hurry, so I slowly navigated my way around and wandered around wide-eyed for a while. I even bought a few things, though I almost thought I would never find my way out of the shopping area to the pay-and-leave area. I finally managed to get to the cashiers, make my transaction, and find my car in the parking garage. Whew! I will spare you the next adventure, which was a visit to the rest of the Atlantic Station shopping area. Let's just say I felt like a complete foreigner in my own land, completely incapable of navigating my way around in a remotely intelligible manner. Maybe I'm not cut out for the big city after all.

And finally, an update on school. I almost forgot about school. We are nearing the end of the first semester (1 of 4), and so far I am still enjoying prosthetics and orthotics and school in general. This morning was the first of our last four major tests for the semester, and we also have one group research project to complete. So with three tests and one project to go, I feel good about this nice tidy list to check off before the start of my first 3-week Christmas break in six years. Yeah!

Productive Procrastination

In order to best remain true to my procratinating tendencies, I have been completely unable to accomplish the extent of my goals for this evening. At least not yet. I am still trying to overcome my aversion to completing a task before the last possible minute, so maybe before I turn in for the night I will finish at least one thing. One thing I am working on is a presentation for this coming Monday, and I am near completion. It is a scary feeling to be so far ahead of schedule, thus my inner procrastinating self is rebelling strongly. I do not know this feeling of being ahead of the game, and it is being rejected by every fiber of my being. In order to divert my attention from this strange feeling, I took a few minutes to read about another procrastinator's story...

He very wisely describes his theory of structured procrastination:
"All procrastinators put off things they have to do. Structured procrastination is the art of making this bad trait work for you. The key idea is that procrastinating does not mean doing absolutely nothing. Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, like gardening or sharpening pencils or making a diagram of how they will reorganize their files when they get around to it. Why does the procrastinator do these things? Because they are a way of not doing something more important. If all the procrastinator had left to do was to sharpen some pencils, no force on earth could get him do it."

And one more bit of wisdom:
"Procrastinators often follow exactly the wrong tack. They try to minimize their commitments, assuming that if they have only a few things to do, they will quit procrastinating and get them done. But this goes contrary to the basic nature of the procrastinator and destroys his most important source of motivation. The few tasks on his list will be by definition the most important, and the only way to avoid doing them will be to do nothing."

Very interesting. I like the way this guy thinks; I can understand and relate. We must suffer from the same disorder. Lucky for me, he has already figured out how to master this weakness and turn it into strength. All I need to do is find something more important to do than this presentation, and I will have it finished in no time.

More info:
http://www.structuredprocrastination.com/

The Ocean

This morning I heard a song on the radio that I hadn't heard in a long time. I actually have the album, but I have an abundance of CDs and some get lost in the shuffle. Hearing the song really made me smile, as it is a great reminder of the greatness of God. Greatness as in bigness. When I was little, before I really understood anything about God, the ocean was a place that I could always sense the greatness of our Creator. In the presence of such vastness and the powerful churning of waves against the shore, how could you not be in awe? The song that I heard earler (lyrics below) really captures that feeling that the ocean tends to create... "something about the ocean makes me rise up and praise". Add a starry night to the scene and my soul is on comprehension overload.


Ocean (by Ten Shekel Shirt)

"Lately, I've been thnking about You
And lately, I've been dreaming of You
And lately, I can't get You out of my head
Get You out of my head

Something about the ocean
Makes me rise up and praise
Something about the heavens
Makes me stand in awe again
Something about the sunrise
Reminds me of Your faithfulness
Something about the ocean
And I'm lost in love again
I'll sing until I sense a smile
Upon Your great and lovely face
And till I know Your glory's in this place
Your glory's in this place"

Rebirth

More accurate than "rebirth" would probably be "regrowth", but I used the word rebirth for a reason. To what am I referring? I am writing of my poor, previously smashed, dead fingernail. This is somewhat of a gross topic, I know, which is why I managed to talk myself out of posting photos for all the world to see. Nonetheless, I am amazed to report that today I first noticed the new nail that is growing in behind the old and dead one. I knew this regrowth would happen, as it is a natural reponse from a healthy body, but I am utterlly amazed anyway. It is amazing that we can destroy, however unintentionally, certain parts of our bodies and they will grow right back. I know there is a finite limit to this concept, but it is still pretty impressive. What is so impressive is the precision with which our bodies know to create certain types of cells in certain places with specific compositions and functions. As I am witnessing this take place on the nail bed of my left index finger, I am in awe of the complexity that I take for granted when the nail grows every day of my life in a minute and invisible proportion. Our skin does the same thing, constantly replenishing and rejuventating itself every day of our lives. Bones do too, and the list goes on. Because my old fingernail had literally become disconnected from the back of the nail bed, it is truly like watching the birth of a new nail as this very slow process is finally becoming visible (my injury occurred on September 21). So if you are feeling a little weary, or if you feel like your old bones are just not what they used to be, find encouragement in your rebirth today. There are wonderful new cells being created in you all the time!

Promoting

I almost hate to share what I am about to write, because it reveals a certain amount of hypocrisy in myself. But oh well, who am I to pretend that I am not a hypocrite?

Today, for the first time in a long time, I had the privilige and joy of promoting a field, a career, and a vision that I truly believe in. Some of us who are in the MSPO program and part of an organization called POP (Promoting Orthotics and Prosthetics) participated in a technology fair at Tech today that highlighted technology in the realm of disabilities. I truly enjoyed the opportunity to answer questions and share about why I love this field, why it is so exciting, and why others should love it as well. You can see here that I was really enjoying myself:


On the other hand, back in my previous career, I was equally involved in promoting the field. The difference was that I didn't truly believe in it. Now, I wouldn't say that I was entirely lying or deceiving, as I did and do believe that nuclear power can be a great career for some people. But it wasn't the career for me, so I often had to muster up the enthusiasm to get me through a career fair or high school educational visit. You can see here that I really looked like I was enjoying myself:

But the reality is that I was basically just acting in that previous career, acting like I loved it, acting like it was terribly exciting, and acting like others should really love it too. I am so thankful now to be able to just be myself and to not have to act but truly promote what I do with enthusiasm that does not have to be mustered up.

All We Have

This morning I was reminded of some really vital truths, and at the same time I realized and saw some new truths.

First, regarding free will, it was explained to me that the free will which Adam and Eve experienced is no longer available to us except through Christ. I will attempt to unpack that statement a little, as it may not make a lot of sense otherwise. When God created Adam and Eve and the garden, he gave them reign over everything and the ability to choose freely what they desired to do. The ONLY command that he gave them was not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. As you probably know, the serpent (Satan) tempted them, and ultimately they chose to disobey God and eat the fruit. It was in this instant that they and all of mankind were tainted. Now, left to our own devices, we will always choose evil. We doubt God. We doubt his commands. We want to be in charge, to rule our own worlds. And we choose evil every time. Only in Christ can we now uphold the law, because he has upheld it for us. This is important to get right: the take home truth is not that we can obey the law through Christ; the truth is that Christ obeyed the law for us, therefore we can uphold the law by faith in him and the work that he has done already.

Secondly, God is all we have. In Deuteronomy 5, where the ten commandments are first written, we find the first commandment: You shall have no other Gods before me. I have always seen this in what our pastor this morning called a “limiting” view. And in reality, there are limits imposed by the command, there are things that are forbidden. What we tend to miss is the limitless promise that is wrapped up in that command. The promise is that in God we have protection, redemption, salvation, freedom, and a whole host of limitless blessings. What we often don’t see in the command is that not only is God jealous for our love and loyalty, but there is NO OTHER god that accepts us and offers us anything even close to those promises. All the things and people and entities that we want so desperately to trust in will fail us. They will leave us hanging out to dry. They fall short. God commands us to place Him first because He knows that we have no other viable options. Wow, what a wonderful new perspective! It seems so obvious to me now, but I really didn’t see this before. It is the same with all the other commandments: they are limitless, not limiting. Think back to Adam and Eve. If they had simply trusted in God’s wisdom, not questioning why they should have a “limit” imposed on them, embracing the unlimited world around them, we would all still be enjoying the paradise of the garden of Eden.

Thank God that when we have nowhere else to turn, we have Him. I wish I believed that and embraced His promises every day. Unfortunately I am just like Adam and Eve, questioning my limits and looking for alternative sources of hope and joy. It is God’s grace that I come up empty handed at every turn, and He is always there waiting to provide for every need.

Bebo Norman, one of my favorite songwriters, has a beautiful song that acknowledges the very fact that God is all we have:

Nothing Without You

Take these hands
And lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
See, I have nothing
I have nothing without You

And take my voice and pour it out
Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found
For I have nothing
I have nothing without You

And all my soul needs is all Your love
To cover me, so all the world will see
That I have nothing without You

Take my body and build it up
May it be broken as an offering of love
For I have nothing
I have nothing without You

And all my soul needs is all Your love
To cover me so all the world will see
That I have nothing
That I love You, yeah
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And all the strength I can find

Take my time here on this earth
And let it glorify all that You are worth
For I am nothing I am nothing without You

Photo Every Now and Then #2

Despite my frequent lamentations regarding the onset of Fall, which leads to the inevitable Winter, I have to admit that Fall is an aesthetically pleasing time of year. I caught this glimpse on today's rainy afternoon walk with Kelsey. I'm not certain that it captures the moment very well, but the best part about this scene is the colorful wet leaves on the ground with a pattern of car tracks interrupting their blanketing effect. This is the closest in Georgia that we usually get to what it might look like to have snow on the ground.

Atlanta, October 2006

Adoption Story ::: Reunion

Well, I’m not sure exactly where to begin in describing this past weekend, other than to say that it was very, very good and that God is very, very good. I’ll do my best to recount what I can put into words.

I arrived at the airport on Friday night in a fairly normal but excited state. A little over an hour later, I was seeing and hugging the woman who 28 years ago gave me life, which of course I can never adequately thank or repay her for, ever. She handed me a huge bouquet of roses, which I did not at the time count or read the card for. That was the end of my state of normalcy for the rest of the night and most of the weekend. The next hour or so was marked by our awkward attempts to get her bags, get to the car, get out of the airport, and finally sit down somewhere so that we could think and talk. I began to realize after sitting down at the restaurant that I would not be able to eat, as my stomach was in knots and getting worse by the minute. After having seen Marcia in pictures, having read her written thoughts, and having spoken on the phone, it was still surreal to see her sitting in front of me, staring back at me. She seemed so calm and collected, and she thankfully had the composure to make conversation and did a pretty good job of getting at least some conversation out of me. I honestly don’t remember much of what we talked about over our meal, but I think we mostly caught up on things that we knew about each other already from previous communications. After she ate and I picked at my food, we had a little coffee and then left to go to her hotel. I went up to her room with her, and we each had gifts that we wanted to give one another. I sat down for a little while and we finally did talk about some things from the past, about my birth and adoption and her decisions and feelings from that time. Our fears and concerns were revealed, and it was amazing to realize the work that God had done in both of our hearts to prepare us for this time. We found that there is no resentment or denial or regret, only the realization that God’s will was done then and is still being done now. With more ground still to cover, we decided to call it a night, as it was after midnight, and I returned to my home for the night. When I got home, I set down the roses on my kitchen counter, grabbed a vase, and saw the card when I went to open the container. It was only then that I noticed there were 28 roses in that box, “one for every year we have been apart”. Wow, I wish I had been sitting down when I noticed that. My friends Holly and Emily from Augusta were staying with me that night, so I spent a little time updating them on the night and pinching myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Yes, I had actually just met my birth mother, and yes, she was real. Wow.

For the remainder of the weekend, we continued to catch up on lost time, lost years, and we gradually became more comfortable with one another. My stomach didn’t fully recover until Tuesday, but I was able to eat a little more throughout the weekend. We found that we have some things in common that are genetic and some that may not be genetic. We talked, laughed, cried, and mostly just relaxed. We both talked to our respective families, who were all sharing in our excitement, and we talked about meeting them all in the near future. Saturday afternoon, we went to Piedmont Park and enjoyed a gorgeous Fall day here in Atlanta. Saturday evening we met some of our respective friends for dinner. Holly and Emily joined us, and Marcia’s friend Jeanette was also able to join us. It was amazing to be able to share each other and our new relationship with those close friends. After dinner, Marcia and I followed Holly and Emily to the airport to greet Julie, who was returning from a mission trip to Ghana. We visited for a few short but worthwhile moments, then Holly, Emily, and Julie returned to Augusta. Sunday, Marcia and I attended a church that I was visiting for the second time. It was a wonderful service in its own right, but it was especially a blessing have her there alongside me in worship. Sunday night, we cooked dinner at my place, made a fire in the fireplace, and enjoyed sharing photos with each other. Marcia gave me a nice album with pictures of her family, now also part of my family, and she introduced me to everyone that I will soon meet in person. Knowing that I have a very small family, she has been very careful to slowly reveal to me the amount of people that are now ready to embrace me as one of their own. I have to admit, this is a strange new thing, and thankfully she and they are all very sensitive to my position as I get to know them.

Monday afternoon, I took Marcia to the airport. We spent the last few minutes of the weekend realizing that it still didn’t seem quite real, that we didn’t seem quite real to each other. But we are real, and this is real, and we are blessed.

No Words

I have written a few times before about different inspiring moments or people that have reminded me why my new career direction is going to be so wonderful. Today I experienced a moment that brought that inspiration to a whole new level. I actually met this man, who is probably in his late 50s or 60s, a few weeks ago in the physical therapy clinic that I have been rotating with. He had experienced a stroke 10-12 years ago and was walking with some trouble but mostly complained of back pain, which was why he was seeing the PT. In addition to some muscoloskeletal difficulties, he has a very hard time talking, almost as though his tongue is too large and just doesn't cooperate in the mouth movement process. You may have seen this muffled effect before in a patient or someone you know after a stroke. While his mind seemed to be working just fine, his communication could not keep up with his thoughts. Well, I was in the PT clinic today and in rolls this man in a wheelchair and dressed in hospital issued clothing. Two weeks ago he had walked in on his own as an outpatient, so I immediately went over to him to say hello and inquire about why he had been admitted to the hostpital. We began what I knew would be a difficult conversation for us both, for him in trying to talk and for me in trying to understand, but we were getting through it pretty well. Then he tried to say something that I couldn't understand. I asked him to repeat what he said, and I still didn't understand. He eventually motioned that he wanted to write down what he was trying to say, because I just wasn't able to decipher his words. I handed him my pen and a scrap piece of paper, and he wrote down the following:

I don't really have the right words to describe how this hit me as I read it, looking into this man's kind blue eyes and realizing how hard every day must be for him. I can only pray that as I interact more and more with people like him that I will be a source of comfort and induce hope in the face of suffering or shame. It is an honor to be given such an opportunity to come alongside other people in this world.

The Artist in Me

Today my classmates and I spent the whole day in the fabrication lab. Our task was to take a plaster positive mold of a foot (up to just below the knee) and modify it to a state of perfection for the creation of an Ankle Foot Orthosis. First of all, it does not shock me entirely that a certain amount of artistic skill is required in this profession. I knew that well before I got to this point. It does shock me, however, just how deep down the artist in me is hiding. I have been getting so darn frustrated with trying to create a masterpiece out of plaster. I had to stop a few times today just to take a deep breath, walk out into the basement hallway for fresh air, and give myself a pep talk. I know that practice will greatly improve my skills, and eventually I will find this to be a much more natural process. Until then, I will be trying to coax the artist in me to come out of her shell, and quickly.

Cold Weather, Cold Heart

The last two days here in Atlanta have been very nice Fall days, but the morning chill in the air is not my idea of nice. I don't know what the temp was this morning, but yesterday when I left my place before dawn it was 42 degrees outside. Today after I took the dog out for her morning walk, I began to wonder (as I do every Fall), if I would make it through this upcoming Winter or not. As an extremely cold-natured person, I fear the onset of crisp, cold mornings and the constant need to be prepared and dressed properly for low temperatures. I know it is a bit dramatic to be wondering if I will make it through the Winter, but honestly, the thought crossed my mind.

So I went to church this morning, and the sermon was about how God is our refuge. He is our refuge from everything: from the world around us, from people who harm us, from diseases and pains that plague us, and from our very own selves, our guilty consciences. The pastor challenged us with the calling as believers to not only cling to that refuge for ourselves but also to point others to the refuge. The church I went to this morning is particularly focused on ministering to and offering refuge to the homeless population in Midtown Atlanta.

What do these two little stories have in common? I realized as I was sitting there at church in my nice warm clothes with my nice leather coat just how absolutely ridiculous it is for me to fear the impending Winter. There are people all around this city, who I probably pass every day and usually don't even notice, who are legitimately wondering if they will make it through this Winter. Unlike me -- worried about running from my warm home to my heated car and from my heated car to a classrooom with heat, all the while wearing many layers of warm clothing to keep me warm -- those people do not have enough layers of clothing to stay warm, they don't have a bed with sheets and comforter and heated blanket, they don't have hot coffee every morning and hot chocolate whenever they want it, they don't know if they will have a balanced meal each day to help their bodies work harder maintaining normal body temperature, and they probably don't even have a warm heart to encourage them and point them to a refuge that far outweighs all the earthly comforts that they lack. I hope that my cold heart will be warm enough this Winter to stop thinking about my insignificant inconveniences and lead someone with real needs to a refuge from the cold and to the One who provides refuge from this life as well.

Third Verse

A few weeks ago, ok maybe a month, I wrote about one of my favorite hymns. In that post, on September 9, I only included the first verse. I can't decide which verse is my favorite, but I also really like the third verse, which goes like this:

"O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannon close my heart to thee;
I climb the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not in vain,
That morn shall tearless be."

You may have noticed that the word "climb" in the third line sounds unfamiliar, as the hymn today has replaced the original phrase with "I trace the rainbow through the rain." I don't know why that change was made, but someone once told me that it was because the thought of climbing a rainbow sounded too idealistic or fantastical for a hymn. Let me just say that I have read the Bible, and God wants more than anything for us to imagine the ideal, to trust Him for it, to cling to it, and to hope in it.

George Matheson wrote this hymn at a point when he was experiencing anything but joy, yet he starts this verse with recognizing and reminding himself that God Himself is Joy. How wonderful is it to know and trust that God chooses to seek us through our pain!?! Don't read that the wrong way. Matheson does not indicate that we seek God in our pain, though we may. He reminds us that despite the state of our own hearts, God WILL seek us in the midst of our pain. He goes on to reiterate, we CANNOT close our hearts to Him. When he writes about climbing a rainbow, you can just see this triumphant picture of physically grabbing hold of a symbol (the rainbow) which God gives us to indicate His unwavering faithfulness to us. It is clearly written in Genesis 9:12-15 after the great flood:

"And God said, 'This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.'"

So when Matheson sees himself clinging to this rainbow, this promise, he literally feels that "the promise is not in vain." He is confident that the "morn shall tearless be."

We also should be so confident. We can climb the same rainbow, we can feel the same promise, and we are sought by the same God who is our Joy.

Orthotics in Action

Today I had the extreme pleasure of seeing the rubber hit the road, or more specifically the orthosis hit the patient. My clinical rotation today was with the PT clinic at Atlanta's VA Hospital, and after lunch a patient came in by wheelchair. I immediately noticed that he was wearing custom orthoses on both legs, so I wandered over to listen in on his appointment. As it turned out, he had been wearing those orthoses for 2 years and was going down the hall after his PT appointment to pick up a new set of custom orthoses. His devices started at the foot and went all the way up to his thigh, known as a Knee-Ankle-Foot-Orthosis, or KAFO. As I was talking to this young man and finding out about his injury (a gunshot wound), I realized that he was really motivated to learn to walk with his orthoses on. I commented to him about his motivation, and he explained that he had become more motivated recently because his wife left him. Apparently, in his mind, or maybe she actually told him this, he wasn't getting better fast enough. I couldn't believe this, though I know it must not be all that uncommon. Thankfully, this guy had a pretty good attitude, though he was obviously hurt by being left. Instead of sinking further, he was working hard to improve and make the most of his potential with a spinal cord injury. When he put on his new orthoses later that afternoon, the smile on his face and renewed hope in his eyes were enough to keep me motivated for long time.

Beautiful Days

This weekend has been one of the most beautiful that I have noticed in quite a while. First, I drove to Auburn yesterday for the football game against Arkansas. While the action on the field was not exactly beautiful, the lovely plains of Auburn were as beautiful as ever. I snapped a few photos as I was walking though the campus, amazed at some of the changes that have been made since I last visited. I also captured a nice shot of the stadium, filled to the brim with orange as the sun shone down and the breeze (obviously not captured in the photo) kept us all comfortable despite the warm rays. I enjoyed a few hours of tailgating with some friends who I used to work with. As you can see, we were happy to be hanging out despite the disappointing loss.

This concourse used to be a street!

Jordan-Hare Stadium at Full Capacity

Tailgating with DeLisa and Nick

Secondly, today as I was driving home from church, I was taking in the general beauty around me here in Atlanta. I wish I could have just kept driving for hours, watching the leaves fall, seeing the sun peek through the trees, and enjoying the relative quietness that can be found here on a Sunday. As the weather is turning cool, it seems that the crispness felt in the air translates to a crispness that you can see, as though your eyes are affected by the lowering temperature. It's kind of hard to describe. Does anyone else know what I mean by that?

Adoption Story

I realized recently that I have not been posting much about the happenings of life. There is a reason for this, as I have been preoccupied from many of the everyday happenings of life. What I have been occupied with is a fairly long but wonderful story, so go ahead and sit down before you read it.

Many of you out there who know me know that I was adopted as a baby. If you did not know, now you do! My parents (I will say adoptive parents just to clarify) had a son already, who is now my older brother, but they could not have any more children. After many years of heartache and distress over this, as they desired to have another child, they were presented with the potential to adopt. Enter Marcia into the story. Marcia was a young college student, pregnant and unable to support a child while in school. She could have quickly gotten out of this situation, but she loved that baby (me) enough to go through with her pregnancy and offer me a family who could raise and support me. After I was born, my parents took me home at the ripe age of 3 days old, and I was instantly a part of the family. I don't remember this, but I can tell by the smiles on their faces in old photos that I was truly cherished as the newest member of the family.

For as long as I can remember, I have known that I was adopted, and it was never really a big family issue. I didn't ask too many questions, though I had some, and I went on with life as though I had no unknown past. I never once had to doubt that my parents loved me, despite the fact that I often tested their love like every good teenager does.

When I was 18 years old and a Freshman at Auburn, my dad told me that my birth mother had contacted the adoption attorney and made her contact information available. To be quite honest, I didn't know what to do with that news at the time. So, instead of facing it and asking myself hard questions, I tucked it away. I often thought about the fact that a whole new world of information was only a phone call or letter away, but something always held me back from making the move. I knew that one day I would want to make that connection, to thank the woman who so selflessly gave me up, and to find out where I came from. I shared that part of me with various close friends over the years, and they inevitably encouraged me to move forward. Still, I waited.

After I graduated from college and started working and establishing my life as an adult, I started to think more seriously about making that contact. During my first several years after college, I learned a lot about myself and about God, and I began to feel more comfortable with the uncertaintly of what and who I might find. It was comforting to know that my birth mother, somewhere out there, had made the first move. She wanted to contact me, and that took away one of the huge fears of whether she would want to know me at all. Slowly but surely, I began to warm up to the idea of exploring this unknown territory. During the summer of 2005, I asked a few close friends to start praying with me specifically about moving forward. Over the next several months, I talked to both of my parents about my desire to finally make that move. They were both more supportive than I could have asked, and I first met with the attorney in May of this year. My dad went with me to discuss with him how to proceed from there, as we knew now it was only a matter of time before I would finally be in contact with my birth mother. He suggested that we each write a letter to one another and give them to him so that he could distribute them to us without identifying information. Though we were both ready to be in direct contact, we agreed to take this cautious route to get the ball rolling. I cannot really explain why, but it took me all summer to get around to writing that letter. I guess I was still putting a lot of pressure on the situation, and I was still a little apprehensive about things. Finally, I managed to write the long overdue letter of thanks and introduction to my birth mother. I added a few family photos from recent years and hand-delivered it to the attorney while I was in Baton Rouge in late July. Little did I know, Marcia had written her letter to me within a week or two of our initial agreement. Yet again, I was guilty of stalling and prolonging this moment that she had so long awaited. So, our letters were sent out shortly thereafter, and I first received Marcia's letter to me on August 3. Much to my surprise, I opened the supposedly anonymous letter to find that Marcia's name and address had been included with the forwarded package. I dug further and found an envelope marked, "To My Daughter". I took a deep breath and then furiously opened that envelope to find a handwritten letter that was overflowing with excitement and love far beyond what I had expected or hoped. I think I had been afraid to expect too much, but I realized very quickly that this woman would be a wonderful new addition to my life.

I soon wrote to Marcia directly, and we wrote back and forth for several weeks, and each new letter from her began to bring our whole situation into perspective for me. I had never allowed myself to immerse into the reality of where I came from and who I was. A huge part of that had to do with how little I knew of the history, but I also tended to try to live life outside of that reality. It is a strange thing, to be part of a family that took me in as a stranger, so I tried to just act normal and not let it bother me. So, without getting into all of the emotional details, lets just say that the first few weeks of communicating with Marcia were extremely eye-opening and transforming for me. I was facing for the first time this unknown person and starting to process her side of our story. At the same time, I was enjoying immensely getting to know a woman who has proven to be beautiful, genuine, loving, strong, wise, encouraging, and so much more. I have learned that Marcia is married but was not able to have any more biological children. In the face of that disappointment, she graciously adopted two sons who are both more than ten years my junior.

For several weeks now, we have been communicating more frequently by e-mail rather than snail mail. We have been able to send pictures, learn some of our similarities, and introduce our respective families to one another. As we quickly began to plow through all of this sharing, we have been anticipating when we will finally meet face-to-face. Our families are both extremely supportive of us and are sharing in our excitement, and they are also waiting to meet us when we can arrange it. Marcia has offered to fly up here to Atlanta from the New Orleans area in just 2 short weeks, and we will finally get to embrace one another after 28+ years of wondering and waiting! It is hard to believe all that has happened in such a short time, and it is hard to believe how wonderfully God has arranged every detail thus far. I trust that He will continue to bless each step we take as there will surely be many more questions to work through as we incorporate one another into our lives and families. So, without further adieu, take a look for yourself at our respective pictures. I think you will see the resemblance. Before long, we will be able to actually take a picture standing side by side!

Photo Every Now and Then #1

I know it's been months since I tried to keep up with the Photo of the Week plan. Oh well, maybe the progam should be called Photo Every Now and Then. This one was taken while I was visiting Christine and Adam in the Florida Keys. I don't remember exactly which key we were on at the time. I love sunsets, as anyone who has browsed this blog will know. I particularly like the vibrant colors in this picture, though the sun was setting about 120 degrees counter-clockwise from this angle.

Florida Keys, August 2006

Jesus and Snakes

I learned something new several weeks ago, and I am just now getting around to sharing. Unlike the horrifically ridiculous recent movie about Snakes on a Plane, this truth about snakes left me in awe and reminded me of the great mystery of Christ. In my community group at church, we have been studying the book of John. There is a passage in John 3:14-15 where Jesus says, "Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life."

I don't know about you, but when I read that at first, it doesn't really amount to much. I'm not all that familiar with why Moses lifted the snake up in the desert, and I don't like snakes, and so I just kind of breeze past that to other verses, like the very next one which is the oh-so-famous John 3:16. But Jesus was not just talking out of his ear on this one. It really has a solid relationship to what the Jews would have known and understood. Thankfully someone showed me, and it is in Numbers 21:4-9. I will paraphrase a little of it and then quote some of it:

Basically, the Israelites were traveling in the desert, and they were getting disappointed with their "freedom" and said to Moses, "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!" Wow, talk about ungrateful whining people. So God's answer (despite his love for them) was to send venoumous snakes among them to bite them. Eventually they realized their sin in turning against God, so they went to Moses again to plead for his help. So Moses prayed to God for them, to which God replied, "Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live". Verse 9: "So Moses mode a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, he lived."

Thousands of years later, Jesus says, "Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life."

Isn't that amazing? Back in the desert with the Israelites, God was foreshadowing the coming of Christ! He knew, and he sent a symbolic representation of what was to come. And isn't it appropriate that a snake was used for the Israelites to represent our sin, since Satan is represented as a serpent in Genesis? So now, we today can take hold of this truth. We have been bitten by the serpent, and we are helpless in our sin as we wander in our own deserts. And if we look to Christ, who has absorbed our sin, we will live for all eternity. Now John 3:16 even makes more sense, while I previously thought that was rather a strange segway from verse 15 to 16.

Worship at it's Best

From a favorite of mine:

"O love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be."

If you took the time to read that, take a little more time and meditate on it. Believe what it says: that God will not let you go, that you can rest your weary soul in him, and that surrounded by the depths of who he is, your life will become more rich. It is easy to read and even sing these words without really thinking about how they should impact our every breath. And that's just the first verse, which I think is enough to dwell on for now.

What I Did in School Today

If I still lived at home, my mom would proudly hang this on the refrigerator. Did I mention yet that I am having fun in school?

Trial by Fire

Tonight was my first job as a banquet server (see blog August 2), and boy was it an interesting introduction to this line of work! I showed up about 20 minutes early, so the "captain" for the evening told me to wait until the start of the party. All I knew was what time it started and to be at the hotel a little early, nothing about the event. Well, I sat and waited a few minutes in the back area where the kitchen and all the storage rooms are. Then all of the sudden a frenzy began, someone handed my white gloves and told me to put them on, then they handed me a tray of hors d'oeuvres and sent me through some double-doors. Before I knew what was happening, I was being attacked by a hungry mob of well-dressed people, who I soon realized were the guests at a Jewish wedding reception. I ran in and out, refilling my tray, for the better part of an hour, and the mob finally seemed to be satiated with food after about 45 minutes. Meanwhile, I was swapping the tray from one arm to the other in the hopes that neither arm would fall off. Luckily, my arms did stay on. The night went on and continued into the next room, set up in typical wedding reception style with round tables and a dance floor. The party droned on forever, and my interest in observing the people and being an outsider at a wedding wore off as my back began to stiffen. I am happy to report that I did not drop or break anything, which was my goal for the evening. I also walked away with a souvenir that someone left on a table. Apparently they give these out at Jewish weddings to the men: