Great with Child

No, I'm not pregnant. Anyone in their right mind would know this, but just in case I threw you off, trust me I am not. Not physically at least. I am, however, pregnant with an idea, a dream, a plan, and a desire. And as the last week ticks away before I will know the fate of this creature, I am feeling very great with child. I am kind of stealing from Romans 8 here, but it's a very different scenario than all of creation experiencing the pains of childbirth. Despite this difference, the emotions remain the same. I have been thinking back over the last several years and how this child has been formed within my mind and my heart. I have come to God with the desires of my heart and begged Him for resolution, and this is the path that He has revealed before me. I prayed very much as Moses did in Exodus that God would not let me go from this place if He did not go before me to prepare the way. Over the last few years, God has been preparing this way, and I have been ever-so-cautiously following a dimly lit path towards a career change. The great news (as I realize that this entire journey can be obliterated by a committee of people on Monday) is that the path is not about a career change. It is not about moving from Augusta to Atlanta. It is not about whether I am an engineer or a baker or a candlestick maker. The great news is that the path is about knowing God more and about becoming more like Him, about living a life (wherever you are and whatever you do) that will glorify Him. I am great with child as I anticipate the next step on this path that I have been traversing. I know that there is a fork in the road, but I do not know which way it will lead me. I know that as this child has developed over the last few years, everything has seemed positive. Setbacks arose, but those have been overcome. Everything seems healthy and normal now as I wait for the delivery of the child. God may choose to do what He wishes at this point. All could go as expected, or the path could crumble before me. I wish I could say that I didn't care either way, but I do care. I have invested in this child. I have labored for it with my mind, with my body, with my finances, with my time, and with my heart. I have prepared myself for everything to come to fruition. If it all slips through my fingers, I will be crushed in many ways, yet I will have no choice but to remain confident in one thing. I have prayed for God's will (and many others have prayed for it alongside me), so I have no choice but to believe that whatever I find out next week will in fact be His will. Will that mean that my idea, my dream, my plan, and my desire could all be wasted? I have to believe not. God is bigger than where I am and what I do. His fulfillment of my desires is a promise, but I can't know how He will do it. Just as God showed Abraham how He could fulfill his promise to bless the nations through him, I trust that God can do the same in my life. I literally do not see another viable option right now to move towards what I believe God is calling me to, but I am only human! On the flip side, if this path that I feel confident in continues to unfold, it will not be in itself the ultimate destination. It will simply be a place to go and a thing to do as I continue on the same path of faith that I am on right here and now. Pray with me that I will believe these truths as I open the letter next week and experience the culmination of my pains of childbirth.